Being The You, You Want To Be

November 10, 2021

Today I am laying in the hammock looking at this incredible view…

I am remembering my mission…
to live life as though it is my last year, which will hopefully create an extraordinary life vastly beyond this year lol.

And I don’t know yet.
What I do know is how to live TODAY like it’s my last.

I haven’t actually done this yet.
I still find myself pondering the whole live vision… and I have learned that this doesn’t work for me.

16 days have passed and I’ve let go of the misaligned things… and I’ve created this dream of being here with my daughter in Guatemala… but this morning I am very aware that in my mind I have been trying to figure out and heal rather than just EXPERIENCE each moment…

And I am very grateful for this awareness.

How can I EXPERIENCE this day as though it is my last?
What does it feel like to really do this?

To live in an existence of NOW as I let life unfold and take action on just NOW.

Laying in the hammock basking in my joy that Bailey is in meditation with epic humans feels RIGHT.

Sharing my life so others can get a vision of what is possible feels RIGHT.

Stopping and chatting with humans I meet as I experience this adventure feels right.

Capturing ideas for my next course as I go feels right.

What doesn’t feel right is trying to figure things out.
Trying to get a vision of my whole life, as though the me today will know what the me then will be experiencing and what will come up for me then.

I don’t.
And I don’t have to spend a single moment of NOW to figure that out.

I can live with LOVE and COMPASSION… and I can take action on aligned creativity that flows through me in the form of ideas.

I can respond to clients and my team as they need.
I can eat when my belly rumbles.
I can go to the Aya ceremony later.
I can send my family texts when I feel guided.

I can create my course when I feel the prompting to and follow through with fierceness knowing it’s aligned.

I can lead my training when it’s time to lead and teach.
I can be kind when others are not, even as I walk away because it’s who I am.

I can feel the ideas of where to live, what to do, and who to be as they come to me… feeling out what catches me and makes me excited and alive.
I can feel the waves of things that come up as I live.

I can be decisive at the moment.

So what is there to figure out?
Not a single thing.
This is a habit I’m really excited to leave behind as I continue…

Only amazing things can happen when I am simply being the ME I desire to BE in this moment.

I let go of trying to get things to be how I want them to be. And just like that, they are suddenly able to flow and change and grow as they are meant to.

m xx

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My Conversation with Thich Nhat Hanh

What?! You mean… compassion for others includes the woman lying and hurting the man I love? It includes compassion for her?
That’s easy for you to say.
You don’t have a wife or kids that you love like I love them.
What’s that you say?
That’s how you love EVERYTHING? All humans? All animals and sentient beings?

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For as long as I can remember I have always felt responsible for helping others see the things that they cannot see… the boyfriend on drugs, the way they are being taken advantage of, the abuse happening…
I have always suffered deeply to see anyone else suffering ESPECIALLY when I can see a way for their suffering to end!
This is what drove me so hard to break out of all of the abuse I was experiencing, go to school for 10 years while working and being a single mother with almost zero child support, start my business and make my first Mill in 2 years… THAT is a lot of drive, and it ALL came from MY WANTING TO END OTHERS SUFFERING.

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What I Resist, I Empower

I see this belief lately that “standing for a world where race & religion do not matter is naive.”
(And abusive)
It’s popped up a number of times in my feed and then once now in my own life.
”It’s exclusive and doesn’t account for all the biases happening today. Anyone who believes this only believes it because they don’t get it. They aren’t the ones experiencing the racism, sexism or etc.”
I understand the basis of this.

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Someone Told Me “You are not as enlightened as you think you are.”

And I wondered what that meant? What an unusual statement?
I realized that there’s a whole entire culture referred to as “woke” which couldn’t possibly believe more differently than my mentors who are considered “enlightened”. Which was she referring to?
And I chuckled.
I’m definitely not either…
Talk about a wild time to exist looking to find your way to a life full of joy and peace!

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Meditation Breakthrough

New one hour meditations….
I’m beginning to see what’s underneath all the crap….
I’m wildly resisting the reality of what’s happening to people and animals in the world… It feels like it cracks my brain and will burry me to accept it.

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I Was Being A Hypocrite

Sometimes we expect people to handle things even better than we are capable of handling them simply because society would agree that’s how it should be handled.
But that’s still hypocrisy…
Just because we can make the best argument for that being how it should have been handled… (womennnnnn lol)

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