Big, Huge, Messy, Gracious Love…

June 28, 2022

Can I feel all of this pain and love him as is?
Can I feel all of this fear and trust the process for her?
Can I feel all of this uncertainty and still follow through for them?

… can I love them because it’s who I am, not because it’s always comfortable?
… can I hold the frequency of love even when it hurts?
… can I choose to focus on Love rather than my own pain?

How do I wish someone would love me when I cause them pain?

What is the kind of Love I felt I never had?


I choose to be her.
I choose to breathe through the pain.
Breathe through the fear.
Breathe through all sensations in my body and love without it needing to be comfortable with my human self…. Because it’s WHO I AM.

I am gracious to others and their journey.
I love without expecting anything in return.
I effortlessly move away from souls who opt out of my love with abusive behavior.
I have huge space for others to stumble through their journey.

I allow.
I breathe.
I cry, scream, shake….
I choose.
I align…

And in this place of duality, of feeling the emotions and choosing Love….
I deepen.
My heart strengthens.
I expand.
I heal.

I’m more loving, patient, aware, awake, present…


m xx

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My Conversation with Thich Nhat Hanh

What?! You mean… compassion for others includes the woman lying and hurting the man I love? It includes compassion for her?
That’s easy for you to say.
You don’t have a wife or kids that you love like I love them.
What’s that you say?
That’s how you love EVERYTHING? All humans? All animals and sentient beings?

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Not My Place To Get Someone To See the “Truth”…

For as long as I can remember I have always felt responsible for helping others see the things that they cannot see… the boyfriend on drugs, the way they are being taken advantage of, the abuse happening…
I have always suffered deeply to see anyone else suffering ESPECIALLY when I can see a way for their suffering to end!
This is what drove me so hard to break out of all of the abuse I was experiencing, go to school for 10 years while working and being a single mother with almost zero child support, start my business and make my first Mill in 2 years… THAT is a lot of drive, and it ALL came from MY WANTING TO END OTHERS SUFFERING.

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What I Resist, I Empower

I see this belief lately that “standing for a world where race & religion do not matter is naive.”
(And abusive)
It’s popped up a number of times in my feed and then once now in my own life.
”It’s exclusive and doesn’t account for all the biases happening today. Anyone who believes this only believes it because they don’t get it. They aren’t the ones experiencing the racism, sexism or etc.”
I understand the basis of this.

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Someone Told Me “You are not as enlightened as you think you are.”

And I wondered what that meant? What an unusual statement?
I realized that there’s a whole entire culture referred to as “woke” which couldn’t possibly believe more differently than my mentors who are considered “enlightened”. Which was she referring to?
And I chuckled.
I’m definitely not either…
Talk about a wild time to exist looking to find your way to a life full of joy and peace!

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Meditation Breakthrough

New one hour meditations….
I’m beginning to see what’s underneath all the crap….
I’m wildly resisting the reality of what’s happening to people and animals in the world… It feels like it cracks my brain and will burry me to accept it.

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I Was Being A Hypocrite

Sometimes we expect people to handle things even better than we are capable of handling them simply because society would agree that’s how it should be handled.
But that’s still hypocrisy…
Just because we can make the best argument for that being how it should have been handled… (womennnnnn lol)

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