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I got a very bad hair coloring today. She accidentally covered up my beautiful white streaks and made my hair a grayish muted flat color. It will take a month to correct.
And I cried. It is so very flat and ugly… and I couldn’t help but notice the timing of it…
I’ve been slowly allowing my sparkle to come back… daring to venture into my own beauty again after having to face the kind of cruelty some people are capable of…
Maybe you didn’t lose it, maybe you’re finding a new authentic way to embody it…
In this culture and certainly in this industry… the ways we previously accessed our feminine energy were through high-intensity, external stimulation… through men who sparked something in us but never truly held us, through plant medicine communities that confused spiritual bypassing with real embodiment, and through trying to be desirable as a way of value… sexuality as the doorway to feminine energy.
(What I learned from Mooji)
Meditation was ALWAYS a huge struggle for me.
Even now that I literally never have to work again if I don’t want to… I still feel a voice in me telling me I’m wasting time if I just be present with God in meditation.
This is VERY normal, lol. It is our brain’s job to just keep feeding thoughts… that ultimately distract us from our true self. It’s just not a problem.
Mooji said it brilliantly, “This ‘seemingly passive’ action generates tremendous power.”
Imagine if when we feel financial stress…
When our kids have some suffering going on…
When we are overwhelmed or exhausted…
When we don’t know what to do…
Instead of numbing out on social.
Instead of overeating or drinking…
Instead of nagging and criticizing…
Instead of shutting down or taking frantic action…
I long to serve with every ounce of my strength…
I yearn to LOVE in a way that is free of self-preference and self-preservation.
…. And that takes physical, emotional and spiritual strength.
It means eating well.
It means working out daily.
It means strong relentless boundaries with toxic people.
It means praying and protecting myself every morning before I pray for others.
Are our desires ego-driven shallowness????
Are they God’s guidance?
Am I meant to be led by them? To deny them????
HERE IS THE MAGIC I’VE COME TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT THEM…
“I trust my desires are right.”
We begin here. RIGHT HERE is where this adventure begins.
And I do… I truly trust my desires are RIGHT desires now… and it’s like a 1000 lb weight lifted off of me.
Sometimes I just grieve.
Grieve the broken families.
The kids suffering.
The loss of innocence in our culture.
I feel it so deep in my bones…
And I let myself feel it all and cry, ache and break.
And I feel the deepest yearning I’ve ever felt inside… wishing I could create a safe space for everyone… an INNOCENT place for everyone.
I’ve recently had the most unnerving realization.
It’s one I’ve never ever heard anyone speak of… and it’s been a very strange feeling to navigate.
Through some extreme circumstances… I had 2 major spiritual awakenings. I didn’t know what was happening at the time but there is nothing else I know to call it but that.
And in these awakenings, I was also led to a spiritual practice that just keeps the floodgates open. I really could see the pathway to awakening.
Most of the time what I feel God is asking me to do feels ridiculous…
It’s just true.
My learned brain knows everything (according to itself lol) and always knows what’s best… except… that is of course, the complete ridiculousness when I stay conscious.
Quit this job and start your own business… come again? (I was a nanny)
Launch this course about power… (say what?)
Hire this coach who drives you insane… (really though?)
Stop. (what? Now? You realize how hard I worked to get here ya)
Be still. (Oh comeeee onnnnnnnn #adhd lol)