Changing Your Life In An Instant

October 24, 2021


I’m about to commit to one year of changing my whole life.

Which is super panic-inducing online – because what if I don’t? Right?
What if I fail publicly and keep looping in this circle avoiding my next level?

Well, fk all that noise.
It will be what it is.
And whatever it is, I’ll be ok.

Most people might think this is weird because my life seems so epic… and it is, it always has been… LIFE right?

But this thing happens when you heal… you start to see a better and better life possible….
But you have to CHOOSE IT. And sharing this with you today is the beginning of choosing it for me.

I started a company, moved to a home in the tropics, got divorced
from a toxic marriage, and was thriving HUGE.

Learned that I could make tons of $ but was easily taken advantage of. Manipulated. I also liked to be the one rescuing people. It was a long-standing identity.

It was scary and painful.
So I got help… looked at the big financial mess and walked myself through every single penny of it until I became the woman who was able to KEEP the $ I made.

I was the most stable I had ever been.
But then I realized that I didn’t know how to be in my feminine AT ALL. I didn’t even really know what that meant.

I was uncomfortable with romance.
Uncomfortable with kindness.
Uncomfortable with being alone…
I had NEVER been alone. NEVER. I went from 6 brothers and sisters – to the Marines – to being a mother.

So I spent the year dating and learning what it meant to feel safe, to be in my feminine, to explore my sexuality…

I cried myself to sleep night after night for 6 months just seeing how shut down I was… how unable I was to open up…

But I just kept working to open up my heart… and stayed the course and one day the tears stopped, and I felt open to explore myself.

Shortly after, I fell in love with a man with whom I had the most intense romance and connection… it opened parts of me that had never been touched in my life after all of the abuse and surface living.

And I became a different woman.
It was both awakening and also very painful.
It required me to learn about non-attachment and feeling my feelings with my heart remaining open. It was pure bliss and pure agony…

I explored plant medicine and begged Source to allow me to feel a connection to everything so I didn’t feel so lonely when I was alone.

I found my Soul connection.
I found what LOVE really was.
I found infinite.

And then I had to let go of someone while I was still madly in love with them… to choose alignment when every cell in my body wanted to control it all.

To find my OK when it felt like I was dying from the pain… no clue how long it would last…

And now, here I am… this woman with a thriving business, living in the tropics, with an understanding of solitude, romance, sensuality, my feminine goddess, my power… the ability to feel deep pain without closing my heart… and the strength to keep going.

And I am ready for my next metamorphosis.
I am ready to create a new life from this place…

To be the woman who focuses on all the parts of my life that matter… to ALLOW, to live with an open heart, in my feminine power.

BUT it’s terrifying.
God, it’s terrifying to the part of me that needs to KNOW what’s next in order to feel ok. To feel safe.

To walk away from the best love I’ve known.. trusting that there is SO MUCH MORE for me… even though I’ve never experienced it.

And I have been avoiding it for weeks.
I have been looping in circles for months just trying to feel my feet on the ground as my soul is taking me to unknown heights.

To face solitude.
To live life with my heart open having no idea what’s coming next.
To leave behind misaligned for aligned…

TO KNOW life is going to be pain and bliss… and I am going to feel it all because I’m open… and choose NOT to close.

To know I am not yet the me I need to be for my next level to work I’m going to have to become her… While having no idea what that is going to feel like…

And to do it anyways.

I don’t know who I need to be tomorrow… but today:

– I need to be the woman who says yes to LIFE even when it’s scary AF.
– Today I get to be the woman who feels the pain and keeps holding the pose.
– Today I get to write this part of my story and let go of any resistance to expressing my heart…
– I get to simply continue to allow life to happen without grasping and holding on.
– I get to choose to keep my heart open to whatever today brings.
– I get to take really good care of myself and stay focused on what is possible for me next…
– I get to show up for the things that are important to me.. my kids, my friends…
– I get to serve my humans online to a level I’ve never even dreamed of…

And I can be that today.
None of the rest matters…

Because when I show up today for today’s work, tomorrow’s rewards will come… it’s inevitable.

I choose to feel and let go.
I choose to express. I choose to ALLOW.
I choose to trust.

I will cry and feel and let go.
I will choose expansion and joy.
I will give this life everything I’ve got ESPECIALLY in the moments the pain feels like it could kill me.

And I say YES to LIFE.
YES to Alignment.
YES to great.
YES to releasing.

YES to this call to the greatest transformational year of my life so far.

I have heard the call and I say YES.

I also know hundreds on here who see this are feeling the exact same call…. And I’m here to walk with you as we say yes to Soul.

And together we said….. “YESSSS!”

m xx

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That’s easy for you to say.
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What’s that you say?
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(And abusive)
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I understand the basis of this.

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I realized that there’s a whole entire culture referred to as “woke” which couldn’t possibly believe more differently than my mentors who are considered “enlightened”. Which was she referring to?
And I chuckled.
I’m definitely not either…
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New one hour meditations….
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Sometimes we expect people to handle things even better than we are capable of handling them simply because society would agree that’s how it should be handled.
But that’s still hypocrisy…
Just because we can make the best argument for that being how it should have been handled… (womennnnnn lol)

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