Healing Generational Abuse

Healing Generational Abuse… no matter what it takes.

In 2019 I set out on a mission.

I was going to learn how to be in my feminine energy and I was going to learn how to outgrow toxic romance.

I could feel how it would feel to be in my senses, to flow in my feminine power, and to dance with a partner who has done the work like I have and was strong enough to hold space for my big energy.

I could feel it in every cell of my body.
So I set off on this mission, laser-focused.

And I could not have predicted a single thing that happened next…
– Asked for a divorce.
– Cried myself to sleep for a year watching my masculine self date and interrogate humans lol
– Tried an open relationship.
– Learned romance, sensuality, and feminine energy but still chose a toxic partner.
– Started hanging out with loving, powerful male friends who treated me like gold and told me relentlessly how I deserved a man who was tender and powerful and held me in his energy.
– Realized why I still chose toxic men and spent months trying to learn how to walk away from a wildly passionate, toxic relationship with someone I was in love with.
– Faced the fact that I had passed this down to my children.

AND NONE OF IT WAS GRACEFUL…

Took anti-anxiety meds.
I binge drank at night for a week.
I watched drama on Netflix to replace the intensity I was so accustomed to.
Cried every single day for months not understanding what was happening inside of me. Why it was all so hard and so painful.
I got therapy.
I threw up and shook for many days.
Felt like I was going to die from the pain.

BUT I DID IT…
– I learned that my nervous system was all a** backward from all the abuse and trauma. Dangerous love felt safe and safe love felt dangerous.
– I learned how to manage triggers when safe felt like danger.
– I learned what the frequency of SAFE felt like.
– I learned how to feel excited about safety.
– I learned how to be wildly vulnerable to a safe partner with raw, naked honesty… allowing myself to be witnessed in all my madness.
– I learned messy doesn’t matter… I never needed to be graceful… I needed to break generations of abuse.

For me.
For Bailey.
For my mom and sister.
For my nieces.
For you.
For all the women I will never meet that come after me.

And I’m laughing again, all the time.
ALL DAY LONG actually. And I’m with a healthy, powerful, loving, kind, extraordinary man… who lovingly holds me in all of it.

It was messy and brutal… it was FKG HARD… I’m not even going to pretend like this particular journey was anything but crazy.

AND I had zero clue it would take me 3 years to be the woman I am today…

The woman who chooses healthy men is loved and adored.
Taken care of.
Protected.

The woman who is in her feminine and leaves a wake of healing behind her.

The woman who has boundaries and walks away, no matter what it takes.
The woman who isn’t ashamed of how messy it is to do this generational healing and break the cycles.

The woman who stands for a world where all women have the courage to be messy AF to claim their lives.

All the parts, no matter what we came from.

And together we all say: “And so it is.”

m xx