Healing Physical & Emotional Pain

(and the craziest reason we hold onto it…)

As some of you know one of my soul brothers (who is now a world-renowned healer) introduced me to Ancient Secrets, Ayurveda and Moong bean soup.

When I first met him I was attending magical Gerald’s live event… I had no idea he was his brother lol. (Actually, if you must know… when I saw him I said “Hey! You are the moong bean soup guy!”) LOL, I had no idea he was going to be there.

While at the event he did some live healings, myself included. When I first saw him working on someone… I just started bawling. I had no idea why, but I just bawled and bawled… I had to leave the room.

I went to the bathroom, sobered up, and went back to the room. As soon as I saw him working I just cried and cried again. Unstoppable tears. I just had to leave the room. I had no idea why I just couldn’t stay. I went outside to a private spot and just let the bellowing out. I had no idea why I was crying, I just noticed that I kept thinking “This is real. I can tell this is real.”

He was doing healing work… it was a bit familiar like religious things I had grown up in, yet something felt SO DIFFERENT for me. So very different. There was no threat, no “have to”, no this is the only way energy.

It was, this is available to you if you desire it.

A woman named Amy came out to see if I was ok… and I just unloaded… “THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE SUFFERING! Why do we get to be here accessing this healing while they are out there suffering!”

In this moment I just couldn’t bare it.
“What about the kids in trafficking… the kids who had no choice?!”
I wailed and felt it all. It felt like it was going to kill me. My brain was racing trying to figure out how to get them all to have access to it too.

Amy gently said to me… as if she already knew all that was in my heart… “We all choose our soul’s path, even these children.”

I felt those words go straight to my cells.
We all know the truth when we hear it.
Of course… if I chose this, so did they… and what kind of ancient, extraordinary soul would choose to walk through that?

I felt myself come back to my body… I became aware of where I was and who was with me. How loving it was of her to come to my side. How powerful a woman she must be to effortlessly walk with me, a stranger, in this dark space.

Fuc*.
I didn’t have the wherewithal to put all the pieces together, but that breakthrough changed the trajectory of my life.

I went back inside and allowed Dr. Clint G. Rogers to do his marma work… learning as we went that he wasn’t doing the healing at all… he was facilitating my ability to heal myself.

Some of the most extraordinary healings took place that day… JJ went from excruciating pain all day every day for YEARS (after an injury doing Cirque du Soleil type work), unwilling to imagine his girlfriend having to deal with his state for the rest of their lives, to working out in the gym and asking her to marry him just a few weeks later.

I went home as a different person… awakened to this work.
I then did 6 weeks of moong bean soup detox – and finally had my first pain-free day!!! Gah!!

I was light, vibrant, and full of hope.

But looking back now I can see how this has been a journey rather than a story for me. A couple of months later I was assaulted. I fell on my face hard.

I started believing I was trapped again, and life would never change. I was someone people could do whatever they wanted to and wasn’t worthy of real harmony with life.

My back and neck were re-injured in the assault, but what let it all back was my beliefs.

I got to walk it all out all over again. It felt like starting all over… but little did I know, this was all still part of the amazing healing.

It took a year but I finally became the woman who WALKED AWAY. Because I knew what the healing felt like, when I fell down, I didn’t stay there. Nothing was the same.

I knew how to thrive in mind, emotions, body, soul, and spirit. And knowing this gave me the courage to try again.

Another 30 days of moong soup and another marma healing and so many people rooting for me… I wobbled my way through… daring to hope again.

And this time… even deeper healings kept unfolding.
Opened to plant medicine which opened my whole world.
Healed my fear of dogs and other animals.
Finally saw bulimia for what it was.
Saw how and why I allowed people to abuse me.
Walked away.
Manifested the love of my life.
Got STILL.
Deeper more powerful downloads, including how to be a more powerful mother.

Honestly, it was one of the most extraordinarily painful and difficult time of my life. I truly thought it was going to kill me… but all that was happening is some deep old trauma wounds and wiring were being unearthed to heal.

And I began to allow it all to heal.
I stayed around people who reminded me again and again how worthy and amazing I was.
I stayed away from people who were aggressive and derogatory.
I asked for what I needed.
I said No.
I dared to open my heart to love.
I told the truth about what I had to give and what I didn’t.

I began to tell the truth about what happened to me.
I began to believe I didn’t have to handle it all myself.
I began to see that there was a WHOLE OTHER level of thriving I had never even imagined.

Looking back it’s so easy to see what was happening, but during it all, I just felt like… “Why does everyone else get instant healing and mine keeps coming back? TWICE it came back! See? I really am broken. I really am not worthy.”

…………………………………….
The voices were loud, but my desire to be the mother my kids need was LOUDER.
The evidence that I was unworthy was loud, BUT MY DESIRE TO HEAL MY LINEAGE WAS LOUDER.
…………………………………….

The words that land with me now as I sign off is this…

>> You are as worthy as any human ever was of the greatest experience that life has to offer. <<

You are worthy of NOURISHMENT.
Nourishment of time.
Nourishment of food.
Nourishment of love and being treated with kindness and care.
Nourishment of wealth.
Nourishment of purpose & passion.
Nourishment of health.
Nourishment of soul and connection.

No matter what life has brought, no matter what anyone has ever said, NO MATTER WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU… what they did or didn’t do…

IT COULD NEVER EVER CHANGE THE TRUTH:
You have been, and always will be worthy, and the ONLY thing required for this to be true is for you to choose for it to be true, and then ACT LIKE IT IS TRUE. ❤

I love you so deeply. I want this for you too.
Do you want it for you?

m xx