How I Found My Greatness

April 9, 2022

I remember sitting in church and the pastor saying… “It is easier for a rich man to squeeze through the eye of a needle than it is for him to enter into the kingdom of heaven…”

I remember feeling bad for the rich man.
I remember feeling so sad for the kids born in India who didn’t believe how we did and would go to hell… just for their bad luck of being taught something different than me.

I also remember looking around the room and seeing how MISERABLE a lot of them were.
Unhealthy, sad, anxious, broken…

I remember the man from church that sang the song: “Mary goes
round and round alone… where she stops no one knows…” a song
about a girl who was abused… and feeling this man gets it. He knows
abuse isn’t ok… he seems different.

My mom invited him to stay as a guest of the church, and then he molested me… right after I told him how I was being abused (I sooo thought he was my way out of the hell I was in…) I felt something inside me crack. Maybe this is all there is, even out there.

The next day I attempted suicide.

When I recovered and went back home… I was not the same girl.

At 15, I was done listening to these people.
I was listening with new ears.
For the first time ever- I was more afraid of staying the same -than I was of what it meant to change.

I no longer felt bad for the people outside of this horror story I was being fed… about hellfire forever, people getting heads chopped off, demons… for everyone but us… and these complex rules and stories to keep you too scared to consider anything else.

I had taken my first step into being BRAVE enough to challenge what all the adults were telling me.

And I latched on to a hope that somewhere out there in the world… some shit was DIFFERENT than this.

I just knew.
I didn’t know how or what… but I KNEW.

A lot of crazy things happened as I found my way out… At 17 I left for the Marine Corps and experienced a lot more severe abuse.

Got out, got pregnant, cheated on, left to fend for myself… I remember him laughing at me telling me I was white trash welfare… and he was hiding his money so he didn’t have to pay more in CS.

So I worked 2 jobs and relied on family and friends to help with Calvin.

More happened over the next years… and I found myself standing in the welfare line… it was scary and humiliating but I had 2 kids to feed.

Every week I went to the grocery store and paid with my food stamps, voices screaming in my head about being the stupid white trash welfare mom with 2 baby daddies.

I sucked it up and asked the kid’s coaches if there was a way they could play for free in the sports.

But during this time… I worked 16 hours every single day… working as a nanny and going to school full time.

I went from the low classes in a community college, to a state school, to a university.

I was terrified to go into debt, but I was more terrified of my kids having this same exhausting experience of life.

SO I KEPT FKG GOING… day after day, ever so slowly beginning to believe in myself. Ever so slowly becoming educated and recognizing that there was so much more out there in this vast world.

Ever so slowly growing stronger and stronger.

Eventually, I recognized that nothing in this college was big enough to give me the life so desired. It all felt like it was holding me back. So after 10 years of college, I walked away with no degree.

None of this was really going to change what I needed to be changed.
None of it addressed what mattered to me.

It was about the $ to take care of my kids, but it was about so much more now too.

So, I walked away and I got certified as a health coach and DARED to position myself as someone who could help online. AND OH YES… they said, “Who do you think you are to help others?”

And everyone around me mocked me.
They said I was just bouncing… never just sticking with something.

I knew I was just outgrowing it all over & over.
I KNEW I was different and the call to greatness inside of me just wouldn’t STOP. It was unceasing.

I knew… I just kept advancing over and over, inch by inch.

I started my business.
I invested in myself going FURTHER into debt.
And they all got even louder about how crazy I was.

He said “The best coach we know has been doing this for 20 years and makes $40k a year. What makes you think you could do better than that?”

I remember the day I went and bought all organic food for the kids and didn’t have to count how much I was spending, and when I paid I KNEW there was enough in the account.

When I got home that day I fell to my knees in the middle of the driveway and bawled in absolute gratitude and awe.
This was truly a moment:
No food stamps.
No living someone else’s version of life.
No cheapest food and penny counting.

That MONTH I made $40k with my very first group launch.
(Accelerated Coaching Academy)
That YEAR I became a corporation, went global, and made $400k.

And… MY relationship with God, MY beliefs were mine. They were solid and it felt damn good.

Then I heard things like…

“You have forgotten where you came from.”
Oh no. I fkg remember… AND I blazed a big fat trail for others to walk out of that hell if they desire.

“You talk too much about $.”
No. Others are trapped where I was BECAUSE the ONLY people talking about $ have no clue what it feels like to be piss poor OR are telling you how bad money is.


“You are the kind of girl who leaves others behind.”
Damn straight. Your life. Your choice. I hold you as able to walk the path I have forged or your own. FREEDOM baby.

“You are becoming conceited.”
If that’s what you want to label it. I’m growing into a woman who KNOWS HER WORTH… participates in creating a world where others KNOW themselves, what they desire, what lights them up, what makes them happy, and what helps them create the results they desire to create the impact they are called to create.

Then I went on to make $1.4 million in the first 3 years.

And… they… all… asked… how… I… did…. it.

The other day Bailey was floating around on her chair in the pool in our beautiful home having breakfast and I just cried. I was thinking back to when we lived in someone else’s basement apartment with water stains and mildew…

Let other’s convictions be THEIR convictions.

You are called to greatness, you are called to make millions, you are called to impact the world.

You always have been.
It was ALWAYS you.

m xx

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My Conversation with Thich Nhat Hanh

What?! You mean… compassion for others includes the woman lying and hurting the man I love? It includes compassion for her?
That’s easy for you to say.
You don’t have a wife or kids that you love like I love them.
What’s that you say?
That’s how you love EVERYTHING? All humans? All animals and sentient beings?

read more

Not My Place To Get Someone To See the “Truth”…

For as long as I can remember I have always felt responsible for helping others see the things that they cannot see… the boyfriend on drugs, the way they are being taken advantage of, the abuse happening…
I have always suffered deeply to see anyone else suffering ESPECIALLY when I can see a way for their suffering to end!
This is what drove me so hard to break out of all of the abuse I was experiencing, go to school for 10 years while working and being a single mother with almost zero child support, start my business and make my first Mill in 2 years… THAT is a lot of drive, and it ALL came from MY WANTING TO END OTHERS SUFFERING.

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What I Resist, I Empower

I see this belief lately that “standing for a world where race & religion do not matter is naive.”
(And abusive)
It’s popped up a number of times in my feed and then once now in my own life.
”It’s exclusive and doesn’t account for all the biases happening today. Anyone who believes this only believes it because they don’t get it. They aren’t the ones experiencing the racism, sexism or etc.”
I understand the basis of this.

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Someone Told Me “You are not as enlightened as you think you are.”

And I wondered what that meant? What an unusual statement?
I realized that there’s a whole entire culture referred to as “woke” which couldn’t possibly believe more differently than my mentors who are considered “enlightened”. Which was she referring to?
And I chuckled.
I’m definitely not either…
Talk about a wild time to exist looking to find your way to a life full of joy and peace!

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Meditation Breakthrough

New one hour meditations….
I’m beginning to see what’s underneath all the crap….
I’m wildly resisting the reality of what’s happening to people and animals in the world… It feels like it cracks my brain and will burry me to accept it.

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I Was Being A Hypocrite

Sometimes we expect people to handle things even better than we are capable of handling them simply because society would agree that’s how it should be handled.
But that’s still hypocrisy…
Just because we can make the best argument for that being how it should have been handled… (womennnnnn lol)

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