How I Fully Healed My Need To “BE BETTER & LOOK BETTER” In a Culture Riddled With Perfection…

April 25, 2023

Ok… let me just say… this blog is WILDLY unpredictable… I’m going to share something profound that I experienced… but if you are distracted it will sound like some rhetoric that you’ve heard 100 times…

And if you listen… if you focus and truly HEAR… this could be the beginning of alleviating massive suffering… for you and the women of the world…

There was this deep feeling in the pit of my core after I met my soulmate… NOT ENOUGH. It was honestly so pervasive that it was crippling. It was everywhere, every magazine, every song, every movie… the gym, social media… there was no escaping it.

It was like I loved him so much, I just wanted to be EVERYTHING for him and began to compare myself to other women. How they looked, how they cooked, how they were… and the pain came in waves like a tsunami on crack.

I don’t need to tell you how this feels because almost ALL women/people in our culture experience levels of this… I used to not understand it at all… I felt massively confident in myself and wasn’t caught up in the looks and comparison as it felt like stealing my freedom… until I did get caught up in it.

AND I SUFFERED deeply for a little over a year until I had a profound spiritual awakening…

All of a sudden I could see so clearly… ALL OF IT.

And my deepest desire is for you to feel peace and happiness flowing in you, and alleviate some of the deep sufferings this culture breeds… especially for women.

Ok… I’ll try to find the words.

Simply put, the awakening (which came at the pinnacle of my pain storm) caused me to see MANY (hundreds) of perceptions we have, that we have been taught, that cause suffering. It’s inexplainable, I just can see them now. I belly laughed and cried tears of joy and awe as this unfolded.

I could all of a sudden SEE the OFF perception that was causing my unbearable pain…
> My value is what I can learn then teach.
> My value is how in shape I am.
> My value is how sexy I am compared to other women.
> My value is how much $ I make.
> My value is what I do for my family.
> My value is what I can do and figure out for others.

What if the most VALUABLE thing we could ever do for anyone is to find our own inner peace and happiness first?

What if how you look & what you say and do for everyone is nothing at all compared to the energy you bring to all you are, think, say and do?

What if all the seeking, trying to heal and trying to figure out WHY you are how you are, and HOW to get yourself to be better is one of the lowest frequencies you could bring to the world and your humans?

How you smile at someone.
How you speak.
How you feel around them.
How you feel about them.
How you react and respond to them.
How you feel about your environment, others and the world.

And what if this is what pierces the minds and hearts of all, as well as the very thing that alleviates your suffering?

… it was this simple.
MY VALUE is truly in who I BE. I had heard it 1,000 times but all of a sudden I could SEE its truth.
and just like that, all of the pressure faded away.
all of the pain turned to laughter.

It all felt silly and ridiculous.

Could you consider that who you BE… which means being present with your own suffering BEFORE trying to help anyone else… so that there is truly peace and happiness inside, so that we know how to use our suffering to create compassion inside and so we can be here, now, in the present…. could be the most valuable thing you could ever do in your lifetime?

By a landslide?

I love you. #together
~ Mandy

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My Conversation with Thich Nhat Hanh

What?! You mean… compassion for others includes the woman lying and hurting the man I love? It includes compassion for her?
That’s easy for you to say.
You don’t have a wife or kids that you love like I love them.
What’s that you say?
That’s how you love EVERYTHING? All humans? All animals and sentient beings?

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Not My Place To Get Someone To See the “Truth”…

For as long as I can remember I have always felt responsible for helping others see the things that they cannot see… the boyfriend on drugs, the way they are being taken advantage of, the abuse happening…
I have always suffered deeply to see anyone else suffering ESPECIALLY when I can see a way for their suffering to end!
This is what drove me so hard to break out of all of the abuse I was experiencing, go to school for 10 years while working and being a single mother with almost zero child support, start my business and make my first Mill in 2 years… THAT is a lot of drive, and it ALL came from MY WANTING TO END OTHERS SUFFERING.

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What I Resist, I Empower

I see this belief lately that “standing for a world where race & religion do not matter is naive.”
(And abusive)
It’s popped up a number of times in my feed and then once now in my own life.
”It’s exclusive and doesn’t account for all the biases happening today. Anyone who believes this only believes it because they don’t get it. They aren’t the ones experiencing the racism, sexism or etc.”
I understand the basis of this.

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Someone Told Me “You are not as enlightened as you think you are.”

And I wondered what that meant? What an unusual statement?
I realized that there’s a whole entire culture referred to as “woke” which couldn’t possibly believe more differently than my mentors who are considered “enlightened”. Which was she referring to?
And I chuckled.
I’m definitely not either…
Talk about a wild time to exist looking to find your way to a life full of joy and peace!

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Meditation Breakthrough

New one hour meditations….
I’m beginning to see what’s underneath all the crap….
I’m wildly resisting the reality of what’s happening to people and animals in the world… It feels like it cracks my brain and will burry me to accept it.

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I Was Being A Hypocrite

Sometimes we expect people to handle things even better than we are capable of handling them simply because society would agree that’s how it should be handled.
But that’s still hypocrisy…
Just because we can make the best argument for that being how it should have been handled… (womennnnnn lol)

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