How I Heal The Deepest Parts Of Myself Daily

May 2, 2023

As I meditate… I begin to feel the noise and chaos inside…

All the things I’m tracking with 6 kids…
The mistakes I’ve made and things I wish I’d done differently.
Concerns about doing things well…
Insecurities about not being enough…

And I keep breathing and being present to them all…

I love them the best I can, I tell them each that I accept them fully as they are and they don’t have to do anything. I’m going to take very good care of them. And I stay for as long as they need.

As I feel the cloudy waters settle… I begin to see HOW MUCH is going on in this inner Universe…

And I see how big I love.
How I want to do a good job.

“Wow Mandy… your heart is so beautiful. These are such beautiful desires.”

I feel myself begin to glow…
I love being this woman.
I accept all the sensations in my body that come with it.
I’m willing to feel it all, experience it all and walk through it all.
I’m willing to be diligent in my work and find peace again and again through it all to bring peace to it all.

I love on the part of me that feels stupid loving myself and honoring my heart’s intentions… and I remind her she’s loved too.

on and on this goes…
and as I continue my patience expands, my heart strengthens, my compassion develops….

All from simply loving all parts of me.

mp ❤

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My Conversation with Thich Nhat Hanh

What?! You mean… compassion for others includes the woman lying and hurting the man I love? It includes compassion for her?
That’s easy for you to say.
You don’t have a wife or kids that you love like I love them.
What’s that you say?
That’s how you love EVERYTHING? All humans? All animals and sentient beings?

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Not My Place To Get Someone To See the “Truth”…

For as long as I can remember I have always felt responsible for helping others see the things that they cannot see… the boyfriend on drugs, the way they are being taken advantage of, the abuse happening…
I have always suffered deeply to see anyone else suffering ESPECIALLY when I can see a way for their suffering to end!
This is what drove me so hard to break out of all of the abuse I was experiencing, go to school for 10 years while working and being a single mother with almost zero child support, start my business and make my first Mill in 2 years… THAT is a lot of drive, and it ALL came from MY WANTING TO END OTHERS SUFFERING.

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What I Resist, I Empower

I see this belief lately that “standing for a world where race & religion do not matter is naive.”
(And abusive)
It’s popped up a number of times in my feed and then once now in my own life.
”It’s exclusive and doesn’t account for all the biases happening today. Anyone who believes this only believes it because they don’t get it. They aren’t the ones experiencing the racism, sexism or etc.”
I understand the basis of this.

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Someone Told Me “You are not as enlightened as you think you are.”

And I wondered what that meant? What an unusual statement?
I realized that there’s a whole entire culture referred to as “woke” which couldn’t possibly believe more differently than my mentors who are considered “enlightened”. Which was she referring to?
And I chuckled.
I’m definitely not either…
Talk about a wild time to exist looking to find your way to a life full of joy and peace!

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Meditation Breakthrough

New one hour meditations….
I’m beginning to see what’s underneath all the crap….
I’m wildly resisting the reality of what’s happening to people and animals in the world… It feels like it cracks my brain and will burry me to accept it.

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I Was Being A Hypocrite

Sometimes we expect people to handle things even better than we are capable of handling them simply because society would agree that’s how it should be handled.
But that’s still hypocrisy…
Just because we can make the best argument for that being how it should have been handled… (womennnnnn lol)

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