How I Started To Sabotage As I Manifested My Biggest Dreams Coming True

February 15, 2022

(And how I’m reversing it just as rapidly)
bold moves allowed

This morning I woke up at 4:30 am and cried.
My head was pounding.
My sciatica was on fire.
I had a yeast infection… again.
I had a sore on my tongue.
And the chest cold had gotten worse.

I was in shock and disbelief.
I have never, ever manifested this much illness.

And I just let myself cry… and tuned in to what it was I was fighting so hard against…
What was I so afraid of?
Why all the drama?
What was I so vehemently refusing?

Sure, there were some intense things I was dealing with my family… some people I love were really not ok, and my heart was with them… but that wasn’t it…

What the f* was so intense that I was manifesting such intense illness so rapidly… as I prepared for the Manifestation MasterClass and course…

Not a coincidence…

And I stayed with it… 4:30am, 5, 5:30 …

And slowly it began to come through…
I had allowed what didn’t belong to die off… and hadn’t yet allowed the new to be born.


I began to capture the unhelpful thoughts I had been having over the last few weeks as I allowed love and family vibes to heighten in my life.

As my manifestations have grown more rapid, powerful, and life-changing.
As dream after dream keeps coming true… fear showed up.

>> I feel so loved and attended to. I have extraordinary love in my life, deep soul-aligned friendships, vibrant health, adventure, laughter, joy…

…. upper limit ….

>> I’m terrified to go to the next level, what if it takes over?
>> I haven’t earned this, I haven’t done enough.
>> I haven’t helped my kids enough.
>> What’s the price to get to have so much amazingness? What bad thing is coming?
>> Since my life is so good, I can’t say no to this thing. I can’t take more space. More time. I don’t want to be a diva.

… and then I let one boundary slip.
… and then I said yes when I wanted to say no.
… and then I held back my truth and contorted myself.
… and then I let that thing slide, I caved, I shushed.

And there it was…..
I began to resist this new world full of such amazingness because obviously, I’m a shitty, selfish, person for having it ALL.

All along this LOVE journey had been wild. lol

Not today.

I manifested one form of unwellness after another as I created the manifestation course… all to fight tooth and nail… resisting my power to Create such an extraordinary life… out of fear that it means I’m a selfish, self-absorbed, shitty human.

And most importantly- Resisting leading others to have it all, also becoming shitty, self-absorbed humans who have it all.

Holy smokes.

I had been betraying myself and my own needs for months now to offset this fear as I Manifested my dreams.

What came through for me this morning was to take 3 days to do nothing but sit in the magic, find the frequency of this new Mandy being born, and embody her. FULLY.
– water fast for the day, calm the mind.
– energetically clean the space.
– soak in positive energy and allow.

No more fighting.
No more fear.
No more holding on so tightly.

Today she is born. 2/15/22 8:28am

She is vibrant and joyful.
She effortlessly requires her space to be maintained.
She advocates for herself fully.
Every need, desire, and goal is met instantaneously with infinite abundance.
She’s crystal clear.
Her energy is clean.
She communicates with authority and grace.
Her boundaries are solid, easy to understand, and always met.

She listens to Source and is instantly obedient as she knows it is for her and all.
She acknowledges and relieves every frustration.
Her fears are looked dead in the eye and replaced.
She only makes decisions based on KNOWING what will be, and never in reaction to what is.

Her desires are spoken and met.
She allows her desires to guide her to her highest expression.

She decides and it’s done.
She keeps her word to herself.
She is sincere.

She frolics right out of her comfort zone with no fear or resistance.
She is excited about the change.
She approves of herself and is thus approved by the world.
She claims her power and reclaims it back again and again if need be.

She recognizes she is a spark of the Divine and loves herself as deeply as Love can love.
She feels safe.
She understands there is nothing to be protected from.

She requires.
She magnetizes.
She exudes.
She is it all.
She does it all.
She has it all.

Because it’s who she was mother fkg born to be. And every waking drop of it is nothing short of pure Source and Love.

Let the birthing begin…
I am clearing my entire schedule for 3 days to go deep into this magic and allow.

Thoughts come in waves of being irresponsible, unworthy, shouldn’t have to do this… blah blah, dismissed – doing it anyway because I know. I obey.

I’ll see you on the other side.

m xx

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My Conversation with Thich Nhat Hanh

What?! You mean… compassion for others includes the woman lying and hurting the man I love? It includes compassion for her?
That’s easy for you to say.
You don’t have a wife or kids that you love like I love them.
What’s that you say?
That’s how you love EVERYTHING? All humans? All animals and sentient beings?

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And I chuckled.
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Just because we can make the best argument for that being how it should have been handled… (womennnnnn lol)

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