Pain / Thought
I am not attractive (successful, wealthy, etc) enough:
A belief that causes this particular suffering:
**My value is based on how I look. I have to be sexier and more attractive than other people or else I will not be important and will not be chosen (or keep the attention of my partner)
**This is true based on a population of people who are really caught in the trap of desire, physical appearance, and a need to be validated this way.
People who are at this stage are not ready for a healthy partnership. You may be a match for them because you are also in this place, which will be very painful and full of drama for both of you. So you should be alone and focus on your own growth to overcome this or stay with the partner who struggles with this but desires to work together with you and use this suffering wisely to evolve together. Or you simply recognize you are not an aligned match for this person because you have worked through this area already yourself.
It is a phase of maturity and has nothing at all to do with your intrinsic worth as a human. None at all.
A new perspective:
**My value is based on my ability to cultivate peace, happiness, and compassion within myself… and behave in ways that bring peace & happiness to others. By understanding & attending to my own suffering, I am able to ease others suffering By attending to my own happiness I am able to activate happiness in others. My value is in who I BE, and we all know this to be true. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder… a very attractive man can become very ugly because he is aggressive and mean. A homely woman can become very beautiful because her heart shines through. We remember how we FEEL around others, not how they looked… and to be very sure, all phases of looks pass, but who we cultivate ourselves to be does not.
HOW to make this shift:
When insecurity or jealousy comes up in us… we simply let our mindfulness tend to it.
“Awh, I see you insecurity… you are afraid he will desire her and not you… and you are scared of this pain… it’s ok to be scared… I’m with you. I’m going to take very good care of you. I’m not going anywhere. Anytime you need me I will be here to take good care of you.” And we are present with it.
“I see you jealousy… you feel deep emotions that he has more muscles than you. You wish you had them too… it’s ok that you feel this. I’m here with you… I’m going to stay with you and take very good care of you.”
We have really missed the simplicity of HEALING.
This is what healing is. Its PRESENCE to the real emotions, thoughts and perceptions we are experiencing. Not numbing, not trying to make them go away because we are embarrassed… we are human. WE ALL feel these things in different ways depending on the culture and conditioning we have been exposed to. There is nothing at all wrong with this. It’s very natural…
And when we are present to our own experience, when we show ourselves compassion and we can calm the noise down and let the mud in the Watters settle down… we become clear again. We feel peace. We notice the beauty of nature around us again. We see insights and reality. We gain deep wisdom… and alongside of it we gain compassion… because we know how it feels to feel these things and we aren’t judging it anymore.
Question to ponder:
What if it could really be this simple?
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