(And have solid boundaries that allow our genius to come shining through…)
When you have been sexually assaulted or pressured… and your boundaries have been violated again and again… you begin to believe that your body does not belong to you.
You begin to feel like it is what other people say it is and say it’s for. It’s sneaky and quiet, but it happens.
As you grow you begin to look for evidence of your value through what others think and feel about your body, your looks, your wealth…
… as though your WORTH is tied to how your body looks, and how others choose to treat it.
AS IF YOUR ACTUAL WORTH AS A HUMAN IS TIED TO WHAT THEY FEEL ABOUT YOUR BODY!!!!!
If ever there was something absolutely absurd and born in pain and trauma, this is it. AS IF your magical, wild, brilliant self could be contained by the human body’s SHAPE.
It’s honestly so ridiculous.
And it’s as far from the truth as it could possibly be.
Alike the woman who believes her abuser that no one will ever love her as much as he does, he only hits her because he loves her so much. (wtf?) But we believe it don’t we?
Alike the moments we feel pain, violation, and anger and we judge ourselves for being “too much” and “too emotional”…
When they say something disrespectful and we laugh like it’s funny to be laidback.
When they are making their demands and picking us apart and we lower our shoulders and feel shame and guilt.
When they tell you… if you didn’t act like that then I wouldn’t XYZ.
When they expect you to justify your feelings, prove your truth… judge where you are at in your journey…
We comply, make excuses for them and beat ourselves up…
And what if we just FUCKING DIDN’T anymore?
What if we started telling a way louder, and deeper truth?
”Stop picking my body apart, who are you to have an opinion about MY body? It’s mine. If you don’t like it, move along.”
”It hurts when you say that to me.”
”Actually, you are responsible for your own behavior regardless of what I do, and if you ever touch me in ager again I will be calling the police.” (AND DO)
”You are a grown man and can do as you please, I am just letting you know that I chose to be with a partner who uplifts me and whom I feel adored and cherished around.”
”You are making me uncomfortable.”
”I felt really angry when you spoke to my partner that way, it felt really inappropriate and I’m feeling confused about the boundaries now. Could we discuss them?”
”That felt disrespectful and degrading. Please don’t speak to me that way. I don’t find it to be funny at all.”
We have this all-encompassing fear that we will make people angry. That we will be seen as a bi**h, that we will end up alone…
But the truth is, it’s nothing more than a codependent response born in trauma, and unhealed.
It’s time you begin to focus on YOU.
How they feel about it doesn’t fucking matter.
How they feel about you, your body, your decisions, your emotions, your energy, your dreams, your life…
DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER.
I don’t care who they are.
It was never about them.
Our work is to LEAN TOWARDS LOVE.
To lean towards kindness.
To lean towards generosity.
And to lean AWAY from aggression and unkindness – without justification or explanation. We simply LEAN AWAY.
Because we are worthy of the very best life has to offer… but in order to have that experience, we must CHOOSE IT.
Learn more with Mandy at MandyPerry.com