Out of all the growth I’ve gone through… learning non-attachment has been by far my greatest challenge lol.
The very human urge to control others, the environment, and life to feel safe. To feel loved. To feel peace. To feel stable.
We know that our attachment causes suffering but yet again and again we find ourselves
- worried about $
- frustrated with someone else’s behavior
- comparing ourselves
- jealous or self-defeating
- judging
- angry about the state of the world
on and on the list goes.
So we try to be non-attached which we confuse as being cold. Non-attachment isn’t cold, it isn’t disassociation, it isn’t disconnection and it isn’t non-commitment.
Non-attachment actually brings about the most epic sense of care, compassion, and freedom we could ever imagine.
What I’ve come to understand is that non-attachment means allowing the emotions to rise and dissolve without having an aversion to the “negative” feels and wanting to push the “positive” feels.
It’s understanding that emotions are fleeting – ephemeral.
It is being mindful about what you are feeling, being aware of your own reactions, and how you perceive these emotions.
It’s the ability to create space for emotions to flow and release without needing to do anything about them at all.
Space = healing.
To feel the fear of not having enough $ and recognize the fleeting nature of that emotion and give it space to flow and dissipate without doing anything at all about it.
After the emotion passes (which it ALWAYS DOES) we then choose our highest self vision and emotions and take aligned action from this place. THIS is how we create life from our power.
There is nothing cold or cut-off about this at all. It is warm, attentive, caring, gentle, authentic, and powerful.
Another example: our man doesn’t give us the words of affirmation, the hugs, the tenderness we need. He doesn’t create safety for us… and we are sad, hurt, lonely…
The instinct is to complain to him about what he’s not giving us, or withhold our love and withdraw. The work is to recognize these are fleeting emotions and give them space without judgment. Without making up meaning about who is wrong and right. Who needs to do what.
Then we align with our highest self and get clear what we need. We connect with Source and give ourselves that.
Then we can make a request for something from our partner without attachment to if they do or don’t grant our request.
This is a relationship built with power and heart.
No more expectations.
No more going down the rabbit hole with each emotion.
Relate to the world as it actually is rather than through what we need it to be to feel safe or loved. (HUGE)
Feel massive clarity and the ability to see the truth in things (because we no longer need to use all that energy to figure out how to fix why we feel how we do)
NOTE: We allow the emotions to guide us WITHOUT attachment to what it HAS to mean or be, and without needing to control anyone else or any circumstances for us to be ok.
The pain in this world evokes compassion rather than anger and suffering.
We don’t chase the highs. We simply enjoy the deep moments of awe or pleasure and release it when it fades.
Life gets to unfold just as it does and we feel no need to control it.
We are able to LOVE purely. We no longer need anyone to be anything different than they are.
We feel content. Free. Spacious. Expansive. Powerful. Content.
This is the place where we can love unconditionally.
Without condition.
We can love them enough to be close, we can love them enough to walk away. (We just act in alignment with the highest self because emotion isn’t controlling us)
We can be authentic. Honest.
We can live with our hearts WIDE OPEN because we can handle anything.
m xx
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