Longing To Be Someone Who Serves & is Full of Love, Light & Joy

October 1, 2021

For 10 years I longed to be one of those people who served those around me with joy and love.

The woman who serves.
Who sees YOU.
Who has a lot to give
In a state of overflow.

For so long I believed that I had to learn how to fix myself in order to be her. I ached to be her- and worked really hard to try to figure it out.

I was always taking the next course, hiring the next mentor, seeking, seeking, seeking… to try to heal enough to be someone who was present for others.

I saw how I talked about myself all the time. I felt shame but didn’t know how to change.
I felt so much desperation inside to be better.
To make better decisions.
To feel whole, happy, satisfied… SAFE.

I would blurt out my questions because I knew someone somewhere would have the answers… and I refused to never become this woman I saw in my mind.

Loving. Patient. Present. Conscious. Light. Joyful. Steady. Healed. Whole. Content. Safe.

But there was a piece I never understood that caused me to spend many years never getting to be her…

I never needed to wait to heal to be her.
Being her healed me.

It felt so impossibly simple when I understood.
But how could serving heal me?
Serving has nothing to do with me… it heals them.
I’ll stay broken and always feel like this if I serve right?

And I heard so many people talking about giving myself what I needed, which seemed to condone this theory that I needed to heal in order to serve and be the light.

And it’s not that I never need to give myself what I needed, it’s just that what I truly needed was to be the light.

To be the conduit of light.
To be her NOW.
To stop waiting to feel worthy to be her.

“I am not the pieces of the brokenness inside.
I’m not the mistakes that I have made.
Or any of the things that caused me pain.
I am not the piece of the dream I left behind.


Being the light heals me.
Feeling I am her heals me.
Finding her inside of me no matter what else is there heals me.
Choosing to feel worthy to be her now heals me.
Connecting with you through service heals me.
What I do in love for you, I do for me.
Loving heals me.

“I am divinity defined
I am the god on the inside
I am a star
A piece of it all
I am light

”Being light heals me.
And also… asking my questions heals me.
Giving myself what I need heals me.
There is nothing wrong with seeking…. what held me back was believing I was not light because of my brokenness.

It is my brokenness that allows me to go to depths and heights to serve more powerfully.

And in this space, we will magnetize all the humans meant to work with us.

m xx

Learn more with Mandy at MandyPerry.com

Sign up to receive Blogs directly in your email

My Conversation with Thich Nhat Hanh

What?! You mean… compassion for others includes the woman lying and hurting the man I love? It includes compassion for her?
That’s easy for you to say.
You don’t have a wife or kids that you love like I love them.
What’s that you say?
That’s how you love EVERYTHING? All humans? All animals and sentient beings?

read more

Not My Place To Get Someone To See the “Truth”…

For as long as I can remember I have always felt responsible for helping others see the things that they cannot see… the boyfriend on drugs, the way they are being taken advantage of, the abuse happening…
I have always suffered deeply to see anyone else suffering ESPECIALLY when I can see a way for their suffering to end!
This is what drove me so hard to break out of all of the abuse I was experiencing, go to school for 10 years while working and being a single mother with almost zero child support, start my business and make my first Mill in 2 years… THAT is a lot of drive, and it ALL came from MY WANTING TO END OTHERS SUFFERING.

read more

What I Resist, I Empower

I see this belief lately that “standing for a world where race & religion do not matter is naive.”
(And abusive)
It’s popped up a number of times in my feed and then once now in my own life.
”It’s exclusive and doesn’t account for all the biases happening today. Anyone who believes this only believes it because they don’t get it. They aren’t the ones experiencing the racism, sexism or etc.”
I understand the basis of this.

read more

Someone Told Me “You are not as enlightened as you think you are.”

And I wondered what that meant? What an unusual statement?
I realized that there’s a whole entire culture referred to as “woke” which couldn’t possibly believe more differently than my mentors who are considered “enlightened”. Which was she referring to?
And I chuckled.
I’m definitely not either…
Talk about a wild time to exist looking to find your way to a life full of joy and peace!

read more

Meditation Breakthrough

New one hour meditations….
I’m beginning to see what’s underneath all the crap….
I’m wildly resisting the reality of what’s happening to people and animals in the world… It feels like it cracks my brain and will burry me to accept it.

read more

I Was Being A Hypocrite

Sometimes we expect people to handle things even better than we are capable of handling them simply because society would agree that’s how it should be handled.
But that’s still hypocrisy…
Just because we can make the best argument for that being how it should have been handled… (womennnnnn lol)

read more