Longing To Be Someone Who Serves & is Full of Love, Light & Joy

For 10 years I longed to be one of those people who served those around me with joy and love.

The woman who serves.
Who sees YOU.
Who has a lot to give
In a state of overflow.

For so long I believed that I had to learn how to fix myself in order to be her. I ached to be her- and worked really hard to try to figure it out.

I was always taking the next course, hiring the next mentor, seeking, seeking, seeking… to try to heal enough to be someone who was present for others.

I saw how I talked about myself all the time. I felt shame but didn’t know how to change.
I felt so much desperation inside to be better.
To make better decisions.
To feel whole, happy, satisfied… SAFE.

I would blurt out my questions because I knew someone somewhere would have the answers… and I refused to never become this woman I saw in my mind.

Loving. Patient. Present. Conscious. Light. Joyful. Steady. Healed. Whole. Content. Safe.

But there was a piece I never understood that caused me to spend many years never getting to be her…

I never needed to wait to heal to be her.
Being her healed me.

It felt so impossibly simple when I understood.
But how could serving heal me?
Serving has nothing to do with me… it heals them.
I’ll stay broken and always feel like this if I serve right?

And I heard so many people talking about giving myself what I needed, which seemed to condone this theory that I needed to heal in order to serve and be the light.

And it’s not that I never need to give myself what I needed, it’s just that what I truly needed was to be the light.

To be the conduit of light.
To be her NOW.
To stop waiting to feel worthy to be her.

“I am not the pieces of the brokenness inside.
I’m not the mistakes that I have made.
Or any of the things that caused me pain.
I am not the piece of the dream I left behind.

“I AM LIGHT.

Being the light heals me.
Feeling I am her heals me.
Finding her inside of me no matter what else is there heals me.
Choosing to feel worthy to be her now heals me.
Connecting with you through service heals me.
What I do in love for you, I do for me.
Loving heals me.

“I am divinity defined
I am the god on the inside
I am a star
A piece of it all
I am light

”Being light heals me.
And also… asking my questions heals me.
Giving myself what I need heals me.
There is nothing wrong with seeking…. what held me back was believing I was not light because of my brokenness.

It is my brokenness that allows me to go to depths and heights to serve more powerfully.

And in this space, we will magnetize all the humans meant to work with us.

m xx