Meditation Breakthrough

August 9, 2023

New one hour meditations….

I’m beginning to see what’s underneath all the crap….

I’m wildly resisting the reality of what’s happening to people and animals in the world… It feels like it cracks my brain and will burry me to accept it.

It’s a resistance to the reality that I cannot stop it from happening and not knowing how to accept that.
It feels like if I accept it, the pain will completely overwhelm me and never end.

There’s never ending amounts of suffering therefore it will be never ending amounts of pain to endure if I accept this very obvious reality…. ESP the thought of my kids being in this world as is!!!!

This feels very hard right now
But I trust the process… I do.

I can see how this fear I’ve made up about how impossible it is to face reality has caused me to outrun things my whole life…

This realization of the depth to which I feel pain and resistance to what IS has also caused me to get things in a better perspective.

How insanely small our fears and problems are. Lol

These one hour sessions are changing my life and I have just started. This week I felt clarity that I don’t want to eat anything that fights for its life, nor will I be condoning how animals are treated here in America to get our meat.

It was just simple clarity… that’s not the real me.
The real me doesn’t ignore reality for the sake of convenience or because I’m wildly craving a burger.
Or because it’s too hard to face what’s really happening…

I have no idea where this will take me.
But it’s off to quite the start!!!

Ps: I asked myself

I can’t stop the bad things from happening and idk what to do with that.
Horrible things are happening and idk how to accept that.

I can’t figure it all out – you’re not meant to.
I can’t stop it….. you’re not meant to.

I’ll post my answer soon.
It soothed me deeply.

m xx

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My Conversation with Thich Nhat Hanh

What?! You mean… compassion for others includes the woman lying and hurting the man I love? It includes compassion for her?
That’s easy for you to say.
You don’t have a wife or kids that you love like I love them.
What’s that you say?
That’s how you love EVERYTHING? All humans? All animals and sentient beings?

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Not My Place To Get Someone To See the “Truth”…

For as long as I can remember I have always felt responsible for helping others see the things that they cannot see… the boyfriend on drugs, the way they are being taken advantage of, the abuse happening…
I have always suffered deeply to see anyone else suffering ESPECIALLY when I can see a way for their suffering to end!
This is what drove me so hard to break out of all of the abuse I was experiencing, go to school for 10 years while working and being a single mother with almost zero child support, start my business and make my first Mill in 2 years… THAT is a lot of drive, and it ALL came from MY WANTING TO END OTHERS SUFFERING.

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What I Resist, I Empower

I see this belief lately that “standing for a world where race & religion do not matter is naive.”
(And abusive)
It’s popped up a number of times in my feed and then once now in my own life.
”It’s exclusive and doesn’t account for all the biases happening today. Anyone who believes this only believes it because they don’t get it. They aren’t the ones experiencing the racism, sexism or etc.”
I understand the basis of this.

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Someone Told Me “You are not as enlightened as you think you are.”

And I wondered what that meant? What an unusual statement?
I realized that there’s a whole entire culture referred to as “woke” which couldn’t possibly believe more differently than my mentors who are considered “enlightened”. Which was she referring to?
And I chuckled.
I’m definitely not either…
Talk about a wild time to exist looking to find your way to a life full of joy and peace!

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I Was Being A Hypocrite

Sometimes we expect people to handle things even better than we are capable of handling them simply because society would agree that’s how it should be handled.
But that’s still hypocrisy…
Just because we can make the best argument for that being how it should have been handled… (womennnnnn lol)

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