Not A Good Enough Mother Fears

February 6, 2022

Me: “Babe, I worked through the feelings of not feeling good enough for you for the most part, but now I’m feeling not good enough for your kids.”

-my mama’s insecurities and fears were flowing out of my eyes this morning as I woke up from a dream where I was disconnected from our child, and believed he was better off without me being the go-to love source in his life…

Maybe his kids were better off without me.
What if I let their mom and all her hard work down?
What if I’m not good enough?
Maybe others could do it better than me.
Maybe I hadn’t healed as fast as I needed to, to be good support.
Maybe I might bring a bad influence…
How do I know I’m enough?
How can I be absolutely certain?

To which this man whom I love replied:
“I hear you… that may feel like your truth… but it’s also a lie…
All parents do the best they can at the time…

You’ve crawled out of hell… you’ve fixed aspects of yourself that other humans weren’t able to…

So what… maybe your modeling sucked.
So what… you had to overcome trauma and they were exposed to a lot.

So what?

It’s how this was intended… their souls and yours chose that… and for all you’ve been through. You’ve done AMAZING.

…… no one is perfect.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t influence change from this point forward.

You don’t get to “pass it off”… You are given the privilege of being their parents. It’s an honor… and you are sooo capable…

It doesn’t matter where you think you are on the “good parent/bad parent spectrum”…

You have the capacity… resources… and ability to start where you are and have an impact.
And you are not a bad parent…

We’re all just works in progress. As long as you have the capacity to love… that’s all that’s required.”

I fully receive his powerful wisdom and love… and share it with all my mama (and papa) friends.

The past doesn’t exist.
I’m a badass at setting intentions and creating the result.
I never fail because I never quit.
My best is always enough.
These kid’s souls chose us, and everything is exactly as it’s meant to be.


m xx

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My Conversation with Thich Nhat Hanh

What?! You mean… compassion for others includes the woman lying and hurting the man I love? It includes compassion for her?
That’s easy for you to say.
You don’t have a wife or kids that you love like I love them.
What’s that you say?
That’s how you love EVERYTHING? All humans? All animals and sentient beings?

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For as long as I can remember I have always felt responsible for helping others see the things that they cannot see… the boyfriend on drugs, the way they are being taken advantage of, the abuse happening…
I have always suffered deeply to see anyone else suffering ESPECIALLY when I can see a way for their suffering to end!
This is what drove me so hard to break out of all of the abuse I was experiencing, go to school for 10 years while working and being a single mother with almost zero child support, start my business and make my first Mill in 2 years… THAT is a lot of drive, and it ALL came from MY WANTING TO END OTHERS SUFFERING.

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What I Resist, I Empower

I see this belief lately that “standing for a world where race & religion do not matter is naive.”
(And abusive)
It’s popped up a number of times in my feed and then once now in my own life.
”It’s exclusive and doesn’t account for all the biases happening today. Anyone who believes this only believes it because they don’t get it. They aren’t the ones experiencing the racism, sexism or etc.”
I understand the basis of this.

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And I wondered what that meant? What an unusual statement?
I realized that there’s a whole entire culture referred to as “woke” which couldn’t possibly believe more differently than my mentors who are considered “enlightened”. Which was she referring to?
And I chuckled.
I’m definitely not either…
Talk about a wild time to exist looking to find your way to a life full of joy and peace!

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Meditation Breakthrough

New one hour meditations….
I’m beginning to see what’s underneath all the crap….
I’m wildly resisting the reality of what’s happening to people and animals in the world… It feels like it cracks my brain and will burry me to accept it.

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I Was Being A Hypocrite

Sometimes we expect people to handle things even better than we are capable of handling them simply because society would agree that’s how it should be handled.
But that’s still hypocrisy…
Just because we can make the best argument for that being how it should have been handled… (womennnnnn lol)

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