For as long as I can remember I have always felt responsible for helping others see the things that they cannot see… the boyfriend on drugs, the way they are being taken advantage of, the abuse happening…
I have always suffered deeply to see anyone else suffering ESPECIALLY when I can see a way for their suffering to end!
This is what drove me so hard to break out of all of the abuse I was experiencing, go to school for 10 years while working and being a single mother with almost zero child support, start my business and make my first Mill in 2 years… THAT is a lot of drive, and it ALL came from MY WANTING TO END OTHERS SUFFERING.
And I can see my heart was in the right place. It truly came from the only love I knew how to give.
BUT IT WAS ALL EGO DRIVEN. All of it.
I am not responsible for getting anyone else to SEE anything at all!
This week I told someone the truth about a situation and have been suffering deeply for 2 days, just allowing myself to cry it out… and I sat for hours in meditation just to feel what was there…
> Why have I ever thought my version of reality is so important that someone else must know it?
> If my viewpoint on things is ever-evolving why am I even thinking it needs to be said at all?
> Why do I think I know who is suffering, and that they want it to be any different even if they are?
> Why do I think it is my job to help them see any differently at all, unless they are directly asking for that?
What is the suffering actually?
What am I actually feeling when I see someone in a condition that I feel is hard for them….?
What would life BE like if I always saw what is POSSIBLE for them?
Of the hundreds of clients that have come to me for business coaching… I’ve seen what is possible for 100% of them. I’d have been quite a terrible business coach if I couldn’t see that ya?
How is LIFE any different?
What if it’s not my place to show them the truth I see…
Not my place to help them be different…
Not my place to teach them anything at all, ever…
Not my place to say what reality is for anyone else…
Not my place to say how it all should be??
What would I do instead?
- I’d be Mandy and enjoy this life.
- I’d see their greatness.
- I’d ENJOY NOW with them.
- I’d give whatever I have to give that is needed. (Not what I ASSUME IS NEEDED.)
- I’d listen well without the intention to get the conversation to a result.
- I’d reflect back what they have said to me and HEAR them.
- I’d stop talking so freekin’ much lol
- I’d enjoy the vast array of humans and their beliefs and behavior without attachment.
- I’d spend more time in nature and explore this globe.
- I’d gladly offer any wisdom I’ve gained when it’s asked for.
- I’d be very vulnerable and forthcoming with my real thoughts and feelings when asked. And only when directly asked.
- I’d keep going and making mistakes and learning and exploring life.
None of this requires me to assess what’s best for another human and make a judgment call on that.
None of this requires me to hold a view of what’s best for anyone.
None of this requires anyone else to be any different than they currently are now.
None of this requires anyone to be a martyr, a victim or a saint.
I feel really embarrassed that I thought I knew what was best. I feel embarrassed at how many times I’ve been a terrible listener… and have tried to get the other person to see my point of view.
I’m also feeling very grateful to be able to SEE IT NOW to this level.
Can I truly change it?
Can I become the Mandy I see in my mind? That I feel in my Soul?
I know I can… I also know I’m going to have moments of failure and those failures are going to hurt along the way. SO I remind myself… the “pain” is worth it and one day, maybe very soon… it won’t hurt because I will no longer have a story that I should have been able to do it any better than I could.
And I’ll remember in the moments it counts MOST that I have nothing to offer but LOVE and whatever resources or human help I can muster up.
None of which include me thinking I know what’s best for them and trying to get them to see it.
What I am doing to support this growth:
- Moong soup cleanse 30 days
- No substances at all
- 2 hours of meditation daily minimum (sometimes full days)
- Daily spiritual practice rigorously
Learn more with Mandy at MandyPerry.com