Releasing The Story Of How It Supposed To Be

December 13, 2022

Back when I was escaping the crazy, I hyper-focused on work and made a million in 25 months from nothing… and it often feels tempting to hyper-focus again.

I moved, got divorced and got me and the kids into a safe space.

I thought… well, this is it.
Now I can just relax and enjoy life.

And for a year, that’s exactly what we did.

Little did I know… this is where the REAL work would begin.

I could finally see all the parts inside that had allowed abuse for so long… that felt safe and comfortable being abused.

I could see that my kids had already picked up these habits as well.

I could feel the loneliness of not having many healthy humans to do life with.

If I had known what I was about to walk myself through… I’d have turned around and run back to all I knew… maybe I’d have just buried myself in my work again and let the rest do its thing, away and untouchable in the ethers making magic for the world.

I am a mother.
And whether I felt I was capable of navigating all that came my way or not… I chose my kids. I choose to be their mother.

So instead of flying to go off and make 10’s of millions… I breathed… smiled at the dream of what I could do if I was free to do it… and let it go.

It’s not mine.
I have mentors who have no kids and spend every moment of life doing whatever they want, using their energy to build their dreams… and I breathe and let it go.

I have my own kind of magic.
One where I look directly at the damn thing… see it for what it is and walk.

One foot at a time.
Me and my lineage.
My and my partner.
Us and our 6 kids.
My work and my purpose, 8 of us.

And my vision is big.

Yes, I accept the calling I feel in my life (finally lol), but instead of wishing I could go off and do it… I am taking everyone who desires to come with me, with me, and fully accepting all who don’t desire to.

I release the story that it’s my job to get them to.
I release the story that it would be easier single.
I release the story that it’s supposed to be any easier than it is… that it should all happen faster than it does.

Gregg’s mom said to me “Mandy, whatever you are doing… keep doing it.” And these words tell me I couldn’t possibly be more on track.

My team is excited and my offers are powerful and organized.

My partner’s heart is open and he makes noises and squeezes his eyes and me then says “I just love you so much!”

The kids never want to leave and beg to come back.

My clients are literally breaking through their blocks in life left and right just owning their power, aligned and in motion.

And we are creating the most amazing memories with our loved ones while we set solid boundaries and clarity…

What a waste of all this magic if I were to feel a sense of not enough, rush, fear of the future and all the other weird crap our brain and nervous system feed us daily.

I’m a no.
I’m clear about what I’m here to do and I will extend myself every grace to enjoy doing it.

And. So. It. Is.

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My Conversation with Thich Nhat Hanh

What?! You mean… compassion for others includes the woman lying and hurting the man I love? It includes compassion for her?
That’s easy for you to say.
You don’t have a wife or kids that you love like I love them.
What’s that you say?
That’s how you love EVERYTHING? All humans? All animals and sentient beings?

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Not My Place To Get Someone To See the “Truth”…

For as long as I can remember I have always felt responsible for helping others see the things that they cannot see… the boyfriend on drugs, the way they are being taken advantage of, the abuse happening…
I have always suffered deeply to see anyone else suffering ESPECIALLY when I can see a way for their suffering to end!
This is what drove me so hard to break out of all of the abuse I was experiencing, go to school for 10 years while working and being a single mother with almost zero child support, start my business and make my first Mill in 2 years… THAT is a lot of drive, and it ALL came from MY WANTING TO END OTHERS SUFFERING.

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What I Resist, I Empower

I see this belief lately that “standing for a world where race & religion do not matter is naive.”
(And abusive)
It’s popped up a number of times in my feed and then once now in my own life.
”It’s exclusive and doesn’t account for all the biases happening today. Anyone who believes this only believes it because they don’t get it. They aren’t the ones experiencing the racism, sexism or etc.”
I understand the basis of this.

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Someone Told Me “You are not as enlightened as you think you are.”

And I wondered what that meant? What an unusual statement?
I realized that there’s a whole entire culture referred to as “woke” which couldn’t possibly believe more differently than my mentors who are considered “enlightened”. Which was she referring to?
And I chuckled.
I’m definitely not either…
Talk about a wild time to exist looking to find your way to a life full of joy and peace!

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Meditation Breakthrough

New one hour meditations….
I’m beginning to see what’s underneath all the crap….
I’m wildly resisting the reality of what’s happening to people and animals in the world… It feels like it cracks my brain and will burry me to accept it.

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I Was Being A Hypocrite

Sometimes we expect people to handle things even better than we are capable of handling them simply because society would agree that’s how it should be handled.
But that’s still hypocrisy…
Just because we can make the best argument for that being how it should have been handled… (womennnnnn lol)

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