Saying Goodbye

November 1, 2021

THE 10 best things I’ve learned to heal my heart…

Today was straight-up heartbreak and a lot of love and support from friends.

Today I said goodbye to someone I love deeply.
And I did it out of love.
They were hurting, it wasn’t aligned and it’s the one thing that will cause me to show up really big.


I love these humans and don’t want them to hurt.
So we said goodbye.
And it was a beautiful goodbye and it hurt like hell.

I shook, almost puked, and cried.
Then I called some friends and got loved on so big.

So much wisdom I’ve learned over these last few months:

1. When a loving memory comes up and hurts, give it gratitude. Saturate yourself in gratitude for such an amazing memory. Think about how good it will feel to feel this again with someone new.

2. When a painful memory comes up feel the gratitude and how good it will feel with the next partner/human.

3. Allow yourself to feel everything. Don’t jump to someone new, don’t numb it, don’t run away from it. Just feel it. It will pass…

4. This is simply energy moving in the body. It doesn’t mean anything.

5. Remember there is always more love. Always. Love did not go away. A person did. There is more love than you’ll ever need.

6. Heartbreak is brutal, and it’s also extraordinarily healing if you let it be. It is simply your heart strengthening.

7. It’s not the time for you to be there for everyone else.
It’s time for them to be there for you. Stop trying to be strong for everyone.

8. Spend a lot of time in nature. Reading poetry, painting, singing, listening to music… a LOT of creativity will come in waves after the waves of pain.

9. Tell people. Don’t try to do it alone. Reach out to people and let them love you. It’s not the time to judge yourself for being a crappy friend/ daughter etc.

10. When you find yourself trying to figure out how to control it… stop and feel. Let the energy move through your body and flow. It is healing you as you do.

I feel deep pain but I also feel tremendous gratitude for such a beautiful experience in my life.
It hurts. It fkg hurts… but the pain will lessen a little bit each day.

I am grateful that I have built such authentic rapport with my humans that I can walk this out without needing to pretend I’m ok when I’m not.

And for the friendships, I have where they show up for me when I need them the most, no

m xx

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My Conversation with Thich Nhat Hanh

What?! You mean… compassion for others includes the woman lying and hurting the man I love? It includes compassion for her?
That’s easy for you to say.
You don’t have a wife or kids that you love like I love them.
What’s that you say?
That’s how you love EVERYTHING? All humans? All animals and sentient beings?

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I have always suffered deeply to see anyone else suffering ESPECIALLY when I can see a way for their suffering to end!
This is what drove me so hard to break out of all of the abuse I was experiencing, go to school for 10 years while working and being a single mother with almost zero child support, start my business and make my first Mill in 2 years… THAT is a lot of drive, and it ALL came from MY WANTING TO END OTHERS SUFFERING.

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(And abusive)
It’s popped up a number of times in my feed and then once now in my own life.
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I understand the basis of this.

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I realized that there’s a whole entire culture referred to as “woke” which couldn’t possibly believe more differently than my mentors who are considered “enlightened”. Which was she referring to?
And I chuckled.
I’m definitely not either…
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Sometimes we expect people to handle things even better than we are capable of handling them simply because society would agree that’s how it should be handled.
But that’s still hypocrisy…
Just because we can make the best argument for that being how it should have been handled… (womennnnnn lol)

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