Someone Told Me “You are not as enlightened as you think you are.”

And I wondered what that meant? What an unusual statement?

I realized that there’s a whole entire culture referred to as “woke” which couldn’t possibly believe more differently than my mentors who are considered “enlightened”. Which was she referring to?

And I chuckled.
I’m definitely not either…
Talk about a wild time to exist looking to find your way to a life full of joy and peace!

And did I think I was enlightened? Hahahaha
For some reason this just made me laugh so much.

For the first time I compared myself to an actual enlightened being.

I’m over here just celebrating the ability to only eat at meal times, finding my joy again after a year and a half of absolute arseee kicking, and working on learning to just sit and feel my emotions for REAL, not just in concept.

If I’m anywhere on the timeline of enlightenment… I’d be a little baby fawn just plopped down out of her mama, still in the birthing sack.

As one of my mentors says… why would we even try to learn what enlightenment even IS if we can’t live every day joyfully. TRULY JOYFUL and non-reactive to others. That’s one hell of a standard!

But we will never live joyfully, we will constantly live trying to make others change so we can be joyful UNTIL we can just feel our feelings without being attached. Without needing anyone or anything else to change first.

Just because I deeply understand this and commit my life to healing and being joy… does not mean I am under any great illusion that I’m a master of it!

But the feeling of realizing some people out there think I do just made me laugh so hard!!

Sister, just come hang out with me for a day.

I talk and talk and I find humor in everything.
I say the most random things out of nowhere just to see Gregg’s face and just to expose my very unusual brain.

I emotionally eat and still have to sing the ABC’s in my head just to stop thinking about how to “rescue” others with my Jesus complex.

I’m a good one month into being able to sit for an hour to meditate, eyes closed, without looking like I’m having an exorcism.

I’m way too excited about all the things to be some calm enlightened being. And what even would a woman one be like?

I’ve also come a long way.
I’ve made the hard choices.

I’ve walked through physical, sexual and emotional abuse far too many times… and have found a beautiful life with the love of my life.

I’ve walked through welfare, single mother with two baby daddy life… and found global success and then walked away from that too.

I’ve changed tens of thousands of lives and yet, that is a minuscule drop in the bucket compared to how greatly others had impacted my own life and those I love.

I’ve walked through losing all of my self-confidence.
Losing all of my joy.
Losing all of my will to live including two suicide attempts when I was young.

…. And finding my joy again.

And I can see a world where religion, culture, race and sex do not actually even matter. They are simply honored as yet another way to cherish another. We connect deeply because we are ALIVE. We connect through the joy of being able to exist! We revel in the absolute wonder of being human…

And honestly, that’s extraordinary.
…… just like every other person who has walked themselves through their hell and came out on the other side wiser and more free.

I think this just makes me human.
Just like you.
But boy did that make my morning!

I honestly believe that was such a beautiful gift to feel that comparison. Who would I be if I dared to envision that big?
Maybe my vision for humanity makes me more on the path to enlightenment than I stopped to recognize? It surely seems to ruffle the feathers of the offended.

Maybe my commitment to this way of being makes me out of the placenta now.

Maybe just maybe I’m about to take my very first steps and I’ll be running before I know it???!

I’m available for this.
Maybe we all are.