This Is What Healing A Lineage Looks Like

June 9, 2023

I am still mind-blown at how loving and amazing my partner is… and every month that passes I love him so much more and have strengthened to LOVE him well, so much more. I love who I become with him. I love who WE are together. I love our dreams and our memories.

Who would have thought we’d have 6 vastly different little Souls to do life with! 6… every single one of them allows my heart to grow even bigger.

My mind tries to get me to panic about what could go wrong… what I could lose.. and tries to get me to hold back my love so that if it ever were to go away it wouldn’t hurt so much. I could survive it.

My survival tries to tell me that it’s never going to be enough because we are stepmoms and stepdads, baby mamas and baby daddies…

And then my Soul takes over…

And she reminds me…
This is what healing a lineage looks like.
It looks like coming FROM the abuse, poverty, and crazy… and letting it go, again, again, and again… until I can find stillness. I can feel peace. I can make aligned choices that allow everything to change.
I let go. I stop holding on so tightly to what is familiar to me and allow LIFE to change me.

Life is so magical and mysterious… everyone running around pretending they understand it all lol.
Everyone trying to tell everyone else what REALITY is. Why we are here.
What it all means. HOW we got here. WHAT we even are… I mean only 45% of us is even HUMAN DNA, as if we even understand that % lol.

It’s just a huge mystery and a wildly magical experience.

Getting caught up in thought.
Thinking, learning, doing… repeat repeat repeat.

Most of the time we aren’t even aware that we are a human!
That we are a body here, a 1: 400,000,000,000,000 chance of even being here.

I mean… just THAT is impossible for our brain to truly comprehend.
Our brain cannot even ALMOST realize reality.
It is extraordinarily limited – just look at the 4 min mile or placebo effect. We are all shocked hahahahaha….. because we believe what we experience, and we experience .01% of what’s available.

So we make up all these things that make things make sense and we struggle SO MUCH to just admit we really have no freakin’ clue!

As if someone can say – YES, I KNOW WHAT GOD IS. I understand it. It’s ME who understands LOL.


I laugh at all the things I said with such certainty.. and watch everyone else do the same. We believe what’s said with certainty.
But we shouldn’t.

So today I am just sitting and allowing myself to keep letting go. All of the teachings, people, beliefs, habits…
The limited language and need to understand, rather than feel.
And accept it ALL.
I cry, I laugh, I feel lightness and heaviness… and I let go and feel the SANITY of ACCEPTANCE.

What a beautiful thing it is to just have the courage in the moment to accept it ALL as it is.
Anything else is a delusion… no?

Say it with me: “Breathing in I calm my body….breathing out I smile.”

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My Conversation with Thich Nhat Hanh

What?! You mean… compassion for others includes the woman lying and hurting the man I love? It includes compassion for her?
That’s easy for you to say.
You don’t have a wife or kids that you love like I love them.
What’s that you say?
That’s how you love EVERYTHING? All humans? All animals and sentient beings?

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Not My Place To Get Someone To See the “Truth”…

For as long as I can remember I have always felt responsible for helping others see the things that they cannot see… the boyfriend on drugs, the way they are being taken advantage of, the abuse happening…
I have always suffered deeply to see anyone else suffering ESPECIALLY when I can see a way for their suffering to end!
This is what drove me so hard to break out of all of the abuse I was experiencing, go to school for 10 years while working and being a single mother with almost zero child support, start my business and make my first Mill in 2 years… THAT is a lot of drive, and it ALL came from MY WANTING TO END OTHERS SUFFERING.

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What I Resist, I Empower

I see this belief lately that “standing for a world where race & religion do not matter is naive.”
(And abusive)
It’s popped up a number of times in my feed and then once now in my own life.
”It’s exclusive and doesn’t account for all the biases happening today. Anyone who believes this only believes it because they don’t get it. They aren’t the ones experiencing the racism, sexism or etc.”
I understand the basis of this.

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Someone Told Me “You are not as enlightened as you think you are.”

And I wondered what that meant? What an unusual statement?
I realized that there’s a whole entire culture referred to as “woke” which couldn’t possibly believe more differently than my mentors who are considered “enlightened”. Which was she referring to?
And I chuckled.
I’m definitely not either…
Talk about a wild time to exist looking to find your way to a life full of joy and peace!

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Meditation Breakthrough

New one hour meditations….
I’m beginning to see what’s underneath all the crap….
I’m wildly resisting the reality of what’s happening to people and animals in the world… It feels like it cracks my brain and will burry me to accept it.

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I Was Being A Hypocrite

Sometimes we expect people to handle things even better than we are capable of handling them simply because society would agree that’s how it should be handled.
But that’s still hypocrisy…
Just because we can make the best argument for that being how it should have been handled… (womennnnnn lol)

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