I am still mind-blown at how loving and amazing my partner is… and every month that passes I love him so much more and have strengthened to LOVE him well, so much more. I love who I become with him. I love who WE are together. I love our dreams and our memories.
Who would have thought we’d have 6 vastly different little Souls to do life with! 6… every single one of them allows my heart to grow even bigger.
My mind tries to get me to panic about what could go wrong… what I could lose.. and tries to get me to hold back my love so that if it ever were to go away it wouldn’t hurt so much. I could survive it.
My survival tries to tell me that it’s never going to be enough because we are stepmoms and stepdads, baby mamas and baby daddies…
And then my Soul takes over…
And she reminds me…
This is what healing a lineage looks like.
It looks like coming FROM the abuse, poverty, and crazy… and letting it go, again, again, and again… until I can find stillness. I can feel peace. I can make aligned choices that allow everything to change.
I let go. I stop holding on so tightly to what is familiar to me and allow LIFE to change me.
AND OHHHH DOES IT EVER!!!!!!
Life is so magical and mysterious… everyone running around pretending they understand it all lol.
Everyone trying to tell everyone else what REALITY is. Why we are here.
What it all means. HOW we got here. WHAT we even are… I mean only 45% of us is even HUMAN DNA, as if we even understand that % lol.
It’s just a huge mystery and a wildly magical experience.
BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES IT FEEL SO VERY UN-MAGICAL?
Getting caught up in thought.
Thinking, learning, doing… repeat repeat repeat.
Most of the time we aren’t even aware that we are a human!
That we are a body here, a 1: 400,000,000,000,000 chance of even being here.
I mean… just THAT is impossible for our brain to truly comprehend.
Our brain cannot even ALMOST realize reality.
It is extraordinarily limited – just look at the 4 min mile or placebo effect. We are all shocked hahahahaha….. because we believe what we experience, and we experience .01% of what’s available.
So we make up all these things that make things make sense and we struggle SO MUCH to just admit we really have no freakin’ clue!
As if someone can say – YES, I KNOW WHAT GOD IS. I understand it. It’s ME who understands LOL.
I laugh at all the things I said with such certainty.. and watch everyone else do the same. We believe what’s said with certainty.
But we shouldn’t.
So today I am just sitting and allowing myself to keep letting go. All of the teachings, people, beliefs, habits…
The limited language and need to understand, rather than feel.
And accept it ALL.
I cry, I laugh, I feel lightness and heaviness… and I let go and feel the SANITY of ACCEPTANCE.
What a beautiful thing it is to just have the courage in the moment to accept it ALL as it is.
Anything else is a delusion… no?
Say it with me: “Breathing in I calm my body….breathing out I smile.”
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