Unconditionally Loving Mean People????

For those of you who know me, I’ve been very open about my abusive past and how I’ve been navigating who I am because of it.

Last night someone close to me said something really hurtful. And I had the same thought I have so many times… “Why do they want to be mean to me?”

Followed by… “Well, if I’m loving and kind enough they will want to be kind to me.”

Except for this time something really new happened. lol

I became deeply aware of the ability I have to love people.
Unconditionally.
I felt how deep my understanding of human behavior is when we are hurt, angry or scared.
I felt how relentless my love is, no matter what.

And I had an exciting thought…

> Imagine how deeply loving people feel my love? If I’m so capable of loving people who are cruel or mean… imagine how much loving people feel loved by me.
Accepted by me. Safe with me. Safe to share anything, be anything, think and feel anything. Anything at all.
I accept them 100%, no matter what.

And instead of feeling the pain of that 40-year-old question “Why do they want to be mean to me?” I felt… “Oh, that person just opted themselves out of my loving presence.” And then felt a much deeper understanding of my unconditional way of loving people.

I am so good at noticing all my flaws, all my shortcomings, and weaknesses… my awkwardnesses and blunders… It feels damn good to look at this powerful quality I have.

I know there’s the whole – set boundaries thing and look at me I’m this powerful woman who doesn’t let anyone be mean to her… but… that hasn’t been my path.

I have let them be mean all the while noticing their pain and anger… and witnessing my reactions. Witnessing the part of me that thinks it’s about me… the little girl in me who thought the man was going to rescue me as I told him what was happening only to then ALSO be molested by him… the little girl in me who told aunts, teacher and coaches the abuse was happening only for them to ignore it all… the little girl who wondered year after year why people DESIRED to hurt me… Why was this their desire? Was it me? It had to be me.

So I watched, I felt… and each time had a chance to hear her and heal her.

“No baby girl… it’s certainly NOT you.
And no my sweet girl… you do not have to be the one who shows them relentless love while they hurt you. Has it ever worked? Staying and loving them unconditionally… has it caused them to then be loving and kind? Ever? You’ve been doing this for 40 years.

No…
Why?
Because they aren’t trying to become more loving and kind. You are.
If they were they would make that known.
They just need a place to vent their toxic vibe so they can feel better.
And actually… by not letting them, they are forced to find alternative ways to heal.

YOU are not meant to grow by being the punching bag… and people who want to heal doesn’t make you a punching bag over and over… without making things right and growing.”

I once asked someone close to me why they abused me. “Why?” I asked. They said, “Because I knew you’d forgive me.”

Damn.
They actually felt like using me as an outlet for their own pain was a good option because I’d forgive them… instead of being forced to deal with their own reality, their own emotions.

“”no… my little heart… you do not ever, ever have to be the good option for abuse ever again. EVER.
It doesn’t heal them, and it definitely isn’t a noble pursuit of love.””

The work is the work.
We are where we are.
This is the deeper awakening I have needed because I am where I am.

It’s NOT ok to judge someone else’s decisions and tell them what they need to do… EVER. Because we don’t know what awakening they need.

So, SO many people judge me for my path, and it’s just their own ignorance that causes this.

If we can have the humility to say ok… here is the deal… I allow people to abuse me.
I’m not sure why. And we can ignore the countless people telling us why we shouldn’t do that and how we should be stronger…

(TRUST ME… it has nothing to do with strength… it has to do with your journey.)

… then you awaken each and every moment if you stay with it, without judgment and let it unfold as you continue to tell yourself the truth.

Do it YOUR WAY.
On YOUR timeline.
For YOU.
For us.

And ignore every single person telling you how it SHOULD be for you to be strong, spiritual, good, or whatever other label we have created as a society.

You aren’t supposed to be anything but ALIGNED with YOU… and denying any reality is delusional. It is what it is and it’s OK. YOU’RE OK. no matter what crazy sh** you have going on in the background. Welcome to being human.

WE ALL HAVE OUR STUFF.
WE ALL HAVE A WAYS TO GO lol.

No more judgment.
no more labels.
no more pressure.

m xx