What To Do When You’re Being Messy AF…

I didn’t want to write any of this…

There’s a loud temptation to feel shame about this…

I’ve been getting triggered about other sexy women when I’m with Gregg.
Feeling anxious about losing him.
Feeling insecure about my body, that I’m not enough.
Embarrassed that I’m being SO MESSY right now in some areas.

Areas I thought I already healed…
The part of me that uses food, alcohol, supplements, diets to manage anxiety or simply just to feel that life is a party…

I have these thoughts that if my audience knew it got kicked up again, they would lose respect for me.
If Gregg really saw he would stop being attracted to me.

That… maybe I never healed it… and I was just pretending. Maybe I’m a fraud.

The voices come consistently…
Hurry up and fix it Mandy.
Get your sh** together Mandy.
If you fix it fast enough then you can just ignore it like it’s not happening. (Lol)

GAHHHHHH

Breathe…..

I close my eyes and let the tears burn down my cheeks.
I can feel the shame trying to claw at me… and I am simply unwilling. #unavailable
The standard I hold for me is the standard I hold for all….

Breathing…

I feel my soul hovering above my human…
I can see her there crying, voices trying to get in…
And I feel such deep love for her.

I can see why she has chosen this.
She is here to LOVE herself so deeply and unconditionally that others heal in her presence.

… So she can wake people out of their trance of suffering.
She is uniquely able to turn this particular pain into wisdom.
She is developing her medicine to give to the world – self-love.

Not the spiritual by-pass, ignore the dark, messy, ugly, shadow self-love.
Not the glance in the mirror as we run by, fixing and analyzing everything kind of self-love.

The raw, naked… unfiltered… NO MATTER WHAT IT IS- it’s 100% perfect. Now, as is.

Every single messy, crazy, wild, frantic, depressed, immature, prideful, controlling, weak, broken, raging part of us.
Every single powerful, bright, flawless, productive, BIG, extraordinary part of us.

100% perfect… AS IS.

We are perfect NOW.
Our kids are perfect NOW.
Our partner is exactly perfect NOW.

I am 100% perfectly right on track to developing the medicine I’m here to bring to the world.
You are 100% perfectly on track to developing your life-changing medicine for us.

Can we see the truth beyond superficial fears? Can we see how … OF COURSE we chose this!!!!
Of course! Every single little bit of it.
Every circumstance.

And HERE…. HERE is where manifestation begins.
We cannot dissolve what we do not hold.
We cannot give away what we do not have.

When we can finally sit down in front of that mirror, naked and honest… then… and only then can we truly begin to love ourselves And when we finally surrender to what is NOW… all of it, as it is, no matter what….

THEN, we can finally begin to co-create with the infinite.
And this my soul friends…. has got to be the pinnacle of LIFE!!!!!

Can you see me in my greatness even when I am messy af?
Can you see that it is all for my evolution?
Can you see how it will only serve me to grow and evolve my gift to really love myself in front of the world?
Can you see how loving myself to this depth and allowing others to witness, heals all it touches?

Can you see that all of the things you have been judging yourself for are exactly the same for YOUR PURPOSE?
Can you see YOU in our greatness even when you are messy AF?
Can you see your children in their greatness even when they are messy Af?
Can you see your partner in their greatness even when they are messy AF?
Your parents?
Your clients?
The world?

There is SO MUCH ENOUGHNESS.

What medicine are you bringing to the world?
How is this circumstance creating your medicine for us?
How is it that you bring this medicine to the world?

You are so extraordinary.
I trust you to see me in my power even when I’m messy AF.
I trust you to see YOU in your power the same.
Together we hold this as the standard for humanity…

And today… that medicine of yours? The first person you are going to serve it to is YOU. ❤

PS: I didn’t want to write any of this… but I knew writing it would help me stay in my power. Living our purpose ALWAYS heals and fuels us.

m xx