(It’s not what you think!!)
Wow, I have learned one of the most extraordinary lessons!!
When things are really hard, we’re in the thick of it financially, spiritually, physically… we need guidance the most. And sometimes it’s just not there. We hear nothing and it’s deeply scary. We simply feel alone with all the burden on us.
I was taught when I was younger that sometimes God is silent. I now know that is wildly UNTRUE and I’m crying tears of joy… in so much gratitude for having this new understanding running through every cell of my body.
I’ll do my best to put this into words. #humanwords lol
For weeks I was facing a financial situation.
Normally I just frolic and play and then manifest the $ when inspiration hits.
I trust the process and feel no pressure about any of it, not around $. If it’s there or there’s none… I know I’m taking care of, the end.
I trust the process.
I’m wildly patient.
Or at least I WAS at the level I was at. lol
But then I prayed a prayer: “Dear God, Goddess, and all that is… under the law of Grace, I now decree that all of my highest options come to me NOW.
I know my best is always enough and I decree that I am taken care of fully financially even in this circumstance. Fully, wildly taken care of… TY TY TY!!
Let it be so. And so it is.”
Little did I know what I was asking for.
*Under the law of Grace means… this or something more.
If there is something better that I cannot see, I’m open to receiving that too.
Next, I knew, I was on this WILD RIDE of blankness.
I waited, and waited, and waited for the guidance to come through. I had 3 weeks to show up for the situation…
then 2 days
and I lost my sh*
“Source! What is the deal! You haven’t told me what to do for weeks! You ALWAYS tell me what to do, how to align, who to be…..”
And I was 100% certain I was not being stranded, I’ve done my work. I know I’m always ALWAYS taken care of and every single situation is for my good.
So what was I not seeing?
What patterns have been happening that I’m not recognizing?
Track with me here… this may change your entire life…
I couldn’t find it.
All that had been happening is a POWERFUL SHIFT call to worth, relentlessly showing up for me to speak the truth about my experience to people who I was feeling unsafe with, feeling unseen, or just that something wasn’t being said.
A relentless journey of very difficult conversations.
Had to dive deep inside and find my worth. That my experiences mattered. I feel tears welling up just as I say the words. My experiences mattered and it was ok to speak up about them.
MY EXPERIENCES MATTER.
I’M WORTHY TO TAKE UP SPACE AND HAVE MY NEEDS BE MET.
IF THE OTHER CANNOT SEE ME OR MEET MY NEED I’M FREE TO LEAVE.
When I was a child I was molested and abused and told just about anyone who would listen and very, very little was done about it. I was called a slut and blamed for it. After I attempted suicide at age 15 I remember that particular abuser being sent to jail by someone else’s family and the belief that my experience didn’t matter was born deeply inside.
But what did worth have to do with Source guiding me on the creative aligned moves to make money?
I couldn’t see it because it wasn’t even almost part of my thinking.
I kept getting messages over and over about “This is a season of hard work for you.” Based on astrology, based on my human design, and based on my own experience during journeys.
I let it all out to my bf in a very raw & vulnerable convo. I said it ALL.
It had felt like I was getting ZERO guidance… but all along I was asking to be taken care of and was being asked to believe I was worthy of being seen.
I asked him for help.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
I have never had a romantic partner who would or could show up for me this way.
I had been trying to sort it all for a year and just couldn’t get there.
I needed help.
I spilled it all out and he replied… “Babe I’d do anything for you. I’m IN.”
I cried and cried in his arms.
I felt something inside of me melt. I felt an opening. I felt seen, loved, and understood. I felt what it meant to be in a true partnership.
We spent the morning going over it all and figuring it out.
And all of a sudden it all made freakin’ sense.
I could have never ever known the deep healing that would take place by being in a place to need to ask for help. For him and I both. Something so undeniable was born at that moment between us.
Holy sh**… this is what Source was guiding me to all along. This was the SOMETHING BETTER.
I would have never known to ask for this. NEVER.
How could I ever have put “hard work” together with asking for help?
My mentor said… “Did it feel like hard work to find the words and have the courage to trust you are worthy enough to be helped?” FK YES it did lol.
And I wondered… how many times in my life when it has felt like Source was silent… did I just not piece together the messages? I couldn’t even comprehend.
This is a whole new level of trust for me.
Like a wild, vast, infinite unknown.
“Under the law of Grace… Ty for bringing me my highest options now.”
Holy sh* batman.
We’ve entered a whole new level of amazing.
I don’t know for 100% how it’s going to be next round but I do know I will excitedly anticipate the MASSIVE BLESSING AND BLISS BOMBS that I know are coming my way!!!!!!
I had a moment of awareness that I couldn’t have found this depth of healing if I had never been willing to walk away from the toxic relationships I had always been in… what a thing that is.
I’m a yes Source.
I’m a yes.
My love this is a reminder, find your center.
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