She was never really safe to tell the uncomfortable truth about how she REALLY felt…
She sensed her full expression was not allowed and slowly, she began to suffocate in this reality.
She began to judge herself for letting it out.
She wished so bad she could just be more disciplined, more pleasant…
She judged herself and hurt herself into submission…
She began to believe she was fucked up… and stuffed it inside… until it became numb…
Until she became the woman who held parts of herself she didn’t allow ANYONE to see…
Fearing that if they did see the wild, the crazy, the emotional… they would abandon & reject her.
And slowly she betrayed her true self, rejecting herself.
Eventually, without even really knowing it, she didn’t even have to fight it anymore.
It just went somewhere deep inside and began to eat her from the inside out.
Self-betrayal.
Eating disorders.
Addictions.
Numbing.
Control.
Letting yourself be taken advantage of.
Saying yes when you feel a fk no.
Laughing when it is anything but funny.
Defending yourself.
Justifying yourself.
Not keeping your word.
Being reactive, jealous, comparing yourself to others.
Waiting for someone to rescue you.
Faking orgasms.
Because… WHEN A WOMAN ABANDONS HERSELF… SHE STOPS BEING ABLE TO HEAR HER TRUTH.
She literally loses access to her GUIDANCE, her self-protection, her worth…
SHE LOSES HER VITALITY and spends the rest of her life trying to live up to some ridiculous patriarchial standard of ENOUGH.
SHE LOSES HER MOTHER TOUCH.
HER SENSUALITY.
HER EXPRESSION.
SHE LOSES HER LIFE… her REAL life… the one she feels yearning inside of her. MORE is what she feels, there’s MORE. I KNOW THERE IS MORE FOR ME.
And
It
Never
Goes
Away
At least not for souls like you. The ones who fight to find her again.
When it’s uncomfortable you LEAN THE FUCK IN, and let yourself get uncomfortable. Always have.
Messy af? yup.
And so what?
No greater battle than the one between the part of you that wants to change and the part that wants to stay the same.
And yet you battle on.
Learning to speak, call in, claim, allow, trust, FEEL, express…
One step at a time.
I SEE YOU.
I know what it takes.
I honor you.
And I stand with you.
All in, UNTIL.
I love you,
m xx
Learn more with Mandy at MandyPerry.com