When The Real You Is Burning To Emerge…

August 13, 2022

She was never really safe to tell the uncomfortable truth about how she REALLY felt…

She sensed her full expression was not allowed and slowly, she began to suffocate in this reality.
She began to judge herself for letting it out.
She wished so bad she could just be more disciplined, more pleasant…
She judged herself and hurt herself into submission…

She began to believe she was fucked up… and stuffed it inside… until it became numb…
Until she became the woman who held parts of herself she didn’t allow ANYONE to see…

Fearing that if they did see the wild, the crazy, the emotional… they would abandon & reject her.

And slowly she betrayed her true self, rejecting herself.

Eventually, without even really knowing it, she didn’t even have to fight it anymore.
It just went somewhere deep inside and began to eat her from the inside out.

Eating disorders.

Letting yourself be taken advantage of.
Saying yes when you feel a fk no.
Laughing when it is anything but funny.
Defending yourself.
Justifying yourself.

Not keeping your word.
Being reactive, jealous, comparing yourself to others.
Waiting for someone to rescue you.
Faking orgasms.


She literally loses access to her GUIDANCE, her self-protection, her worth…

SHE LOSES HER VITALITY and spends the rest of her life trying to live up to some ridiculous patriarchial standard of ENOUGH.


SHE LOSES HER LIFE… her REAL life… the one she feels yearning inside of her. MORE is what she feels, there’s MORE. I KNOW THERE IS MORE FOR ME.


At least not for souls like you. The ones who fight to find her again.

When it’s uncomfortable you LEAN THE FUCK IN, and let yourself get uncomfortable. Always have.
Messy af? yup.

And so what?

No greater battle than the one between the part of you that wants to change and the part that wants to stay the same.

And yet you battle on.
Learning to speak, call in, claim, allow, trust, FEEL, express…

One step at a time.

I know what it takes.
I honor you.
And I stand with you.
All in, UNTIL.

I love you,
m xx

Learn more with Mandy at MandyPerry.com

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My Conversation with Thich Nhat Hanh

What?! You mean… compassion for others includes the woman lying and hurting the man I love? It includes compassion for her?
That’s easy for you to say.
You don’t have a wife or kids that you love like I love them.
What’s that you say?
That’s how you love EVERYTHING? All humans? All animals and sentient beings?

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Not My Place To Get Someone To See the “Truth”…

For as long as I can remember I have always felt responsible for helping others see the things that they cannot see… the boyfriend on drugs, the way they are being taken advantage of, the abuse happening…
I have always suffered deeply to see anyone else suffering ESPECIALLY when I can see a way for their suffering to end!
This is what drove me so hard to break out of all of the abuse I was experiencing, go to school for 10 years while working and being a single mother with almost zero child support, start my business and make my first Mill in 2 years… THAT is a lot of drive, and it ALL came from MY WANTING TO END OTHERS SUFFERING.

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What I Resist, I Empower

I see this belief lately that “standing for a world where race & religion do not matter is naive.”
(And abusive)
It’s popped up a number of times in my feed and then once now in my own life.
”It’s exclusive and doesn’t account for all the biases happening today. Anyone who believes this only believes it because they don’t get it. They aren’t the ones experiencing the racism, sexism or etc.”
I understand the basis of this.

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Someone Told Me “You are not as enlightened as you think you are.”

And I wondered what that meant? What an unusual statement?
I realized that there’s a whole entire culture referred to as “woke” which couldn’t possibly believe more differently than my mentors who are considered “enlightened”. Which was she referring to?
And I chuckled.
I’m definitely not either…
Talk about a wild time to exist looking to find your way to a life full of joy and peace!

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Meditation Breakthrough

New one hour meditations….
I’m beginning to see what’s underneath all the crap….
I’m wildly resisting the reality of what’s happening to people and animals in the world… It feels like it cracks my brain and will burry me to accept it.

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I Was Being A Hypocrite

Sometimes we expect people to handle things even better than we are capable of handling them simply because society would agree that’s how it should be handled.
But that’s still hypocrisy…
Just because we can make the best argument for that being how it should have been handled… (womennnnnn lol)

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