The Upgrade Hurts

The pain of the UPGRADE…

I feel the thousands of humans all over the world are sitting in bedrooms, saunas, coffee shops, and back porches… 

with tears in their eyes and pressure in their chest…

because something they used to survive with no longer fits the soul they’ve become.

They’re waking up in the subtle, aching way … the … I can’t do it that way anymore…. awakening.

Truth-tellers who are realizing that bluntly saying the truth isn’t the same as embodying it.

Powerful souls who are realizing that forcing outcomes isn’t the same as bending reality with their peace.

It’s big. It’s so beautiful… and so messy. 

We’re messy. And that’s ok. 

The embarrassment of seeing our mess is just the ego dying. We welcome it.

These epic humans will die to the old identity so they can rise in the light of the new one.

They do the work even when no one knows the pain and strength it takes. 

And here you are… one of them.

You’re not just going through the awakening.

You’re helping hold the field for it.

You’re one of the way-makers who walk it first so others can walk it easier.

And while it might feel like no one understands…

just know that across oceans and timelines…

you’re being felt.

And silently…

we’re walking with you.

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We don’t ask God to do things

God is already perfect.
I realized that asking Him to change things… is kind of ridiculous.
The Creator of all… doesn’t need my instruction.
He doesn’t need my plan.
He doesn’t need me to “remind” Him of what’s right.
He is perfection.
He is already moving everything toward truth… not in my timing, but in alignment.

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Everyone around you pretends they are fine

Being the one who CHOOSES TO HEAL, when everyone around you pretends they are fine…
When we stop performing, people get uncomfortable.
When we stop absorbing everyone else’s chaos, they get upset.
When we stop fixing, explaining, shrinking, or keeping the peace, we get called dramatic, lazy, or too much. We are labeled “the problem”.
When we tell the truth about the effect things are having on us…
When we NAME abuse, and crappy behavior… people will use it to make you look like the problem.

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I don’t second-guess myself

I don’t negotiate with what I already know…
I don’t do confusion.
If it’s not clear, it’s a no.
If it doesn’t feel safe, I step back.
If I have to fight to be understood, I’m in the wrong place.
I don’t explain my truth to people who keep showing they can’t hold it.
I don’t wait around for potential.
I don’t accept crumbs from anyone… emotionally, energetically, spiritually. It doesn’t serve them.

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The COURAGE to hold beauty…

I got a very bad hair coloring today. She accidentally covered up my beautiful white streaks and made my hair a grayish muted flat color. It will take a month to correct.
And I cried. It is so very flat and ugly… and I couldn’t help but notice the timing of it…
I’ve been slowly allowing my sparkle to come back… daring to venture into my own beauty again after having to face the kind of cruelty some people are capable of…

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Feel like you’re losing your feminine energy?

Maybe you didn’t lose it, maybe you’re finding a new authentic way to embody it…
In this culture and certainly in this industry… the ways we previously accessed our feminine energy were through high-intensity, external stimulation… through men who sparked something in us but never truly held us, through plant medicine communities that confused spiritual bypassing with real embodiment, and through trying to be desirable as a way of value… sexuality as the doorway to feminine energy.

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