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“I know you LOVE me mama, but I don’t FEEL loved…”
The pain was searing in my body.
I felt a mix of total awe that a 12 year old could communicate such a refined distinction and horror that she was saying it to ME.
I remember when Calvin was 4… I was dropping him off at his grandmother’s and he held onto me. Through his tears, he said, “Mama, you are always at work… I don’t want you to go.” I was a single mother on welfare working two jobs just trying to put food on the table.
Trigger warning!
(And why I feel worthy to lead and receive ANYWAYS)
A lot of people see me online and feel like. “Oh, this must be so easy for you Mandy.”
I know because they tell me they think that lol…
Let’s look at real life over the last 3 years…
I’ve been wanting to share this moment for a while…
This will only make sense to a small population of humans…
But for you select few… I think this will bring deep, powerful emotions to the surface for you.
(And how my lover expanded exponentially to hold the space as I kicked and screamed…. It’s no small feat to hold space for an angry & powerful woman…)
I have been working through the reality of this physical world…
My physical body and its wellness and fitness matter. A LOT. How I do human matters, a lot.
Wow… I bawled today. Hyperventilated for two hours.
Talked to some gf’s … and then ran my training.
Then bawled for another hour and then made some power moves.
And now I feel the relief on the other side.
I feel ok.
I feel proud of myself for having wired in the ability to show up and serve when I am hurting.