Recently I’ve been manifesting outgrowing the toxic parts of my ego… and man, I had no idea how incredibly liberating and painful that journey would be.

For those who have been following… you know I’ve been stuck on this for quite a couple of years now… “I did not come to teach you. I came to love you and love will teach you.”

Obviously, as an online teacher and coach that stopped me right in my tracks… and has been a never-ending source of description to the world I lived in…

Then I got feedback from the family that I press too hard.

Tough feedback.
And at first I felt like… “Well that’s just who I am… I push when it’s needed… I did make millions doing just that.” Only to FINALLY be able to recognize that THAT WAS the voice of my ego pushing for an identity.

I direct other’s growth.
It’s WHO I AM.

BAM. Busted.
Ego needs validation of value.
THAT is not who I AM. Not even almost.

So who would I be if I wasn’t the one directing other’s growth?
The one waking people up.
Bluntly & unceasingly confronting the insanity around me…

My ego mind shot back… “You’d be a self-absorbed, lazy nothing.” lol…

But my Soul said… “You’d be a woman honoring the greater plan.”

Damn…

I’m not the director of growth for those around me in my energy field… that’s just who I’ve chosen to identify as to be sure I am being someone who is valuable to others… when the truth is I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR ANYONE, only God does. Only them and their soul knows.

SO… then…. if my job is not to “teach and awaken” others… what am I here for?

GOLD!
I know every single time I reach the whole “WHAT’S THE POINT OF ANYTHING THEN” place… I’ve reached the end of my ego.

It’s a VERY uncomfortable place to be… walking on day 2 where you can see your unhealed, ego ways but can’t see how to be different yet. (I know you know what I mean)

Where you can see the stress you may have caused to your loved ones but don’t know how you could have done it any differently yet? Blah. Ya. That.

And if you don’t know what I mean… time to dig deep and tell a much deeper truth about what’s actually happening in your world… (but you already knew that).

So I cry.
I accept day 2 pain.
I thank God endlessly for showing me the truth and waking me up.
I put myself in other’s shoes and try to understand how I’ve missed the mark with them.
I get more feedback.
I cry. I thank Divine for endless Grace and forgiveness…

and I listen for the newness I’m being called into.

I watch for the shame and guilt that beckons me into its blackness… and do anything but go into it… watch TV, cry, walk, meditate, journal, cook… whatever… so long as I breathe through this part.

It doesn’t help anyone to be self-focused on my own failures.
And I remind myself it’s not a failure at all… how could it be?

OUR BEST IS ALWAYS ENOUGH.
Especially when that feels 0% true.

How can we expect to grow rapidly, awaken and realize all the ways we missed the mark if we judge ourselves for not having already known it every time we awaken!! That’s a broken system… and we will run in circles if we allow it.

Say it with me:
I trust the Divine wisdom in others to guide them on their path.
I release control and allow more and more peace and ease to flow through me into our home.
I hold space with love no matter what I think should happen… no matter how I think it should go, no matter when I think it should happen.
I honor my energy by releasing what I think I need to control and focusing on my inner guidance to be an example of trust.
I trust that true growth happens when I step back, allowing others to evolve in their own time and way.
I am a peaceful presence, holding space for growth and transformation, TRUSTING the DIVINE wisdom to lead others where they are meant to go.

I’m with you

• mandy